1. Graph humor
2. “Does America Have Too Many Nurses or Not Enough?”: _The Slatest_
3. Visual learners
4. Trail blazers
5. People who are culturally insensitive to my opinions
6. The disgusting cover letter and resume I sent to Secret Necessities, escort service
7. The weird white lady who works at CVS. You know which one I’m talking about.
8. The way Ronnie treats Sammy
9. Steampunk mustaches
10. I’m obsessed with Tumblr!
11. When my heavy Aunt Flo started appearing on Progressive commercials
12. Zumba class with mom; or, ass tassels
13. Bros who are actually brothers
14. A boater’s floater in a Cloister toilet
15. The party-scented Yankee candle by Andrew W.K.
16. Vintage boobs
17. Relationship Status: Single
Interested In: Lasers
18. Your dog’s flaring asshole
19. People having fun at Wesleyan
20. Your cellphone background, it’s a photograph of Shakira
21. Brandon McGinley, thinker
22. DAMN!!! THIS PACKAGE FROM AMAZON CAME IN LIKE SIX HOURS!!! #poorlypredictedkanyetweets @azizansari
23. “Is Marx Back?”: _New Left Review_
24. “Marx is Back!”: _National Review_
25. “Don’t you ever wake up with those little red marks on your back?”: _The View_
26. Lunch dates conducted en français
27. George Clooney’s painfully obvious desire to be an international superspy
28. The Caveman-Shotgun Lemonade-Champagne Eco-Atkins Ultra-Simple Dye It Die It Diet
29. My wet dream about the girl who huffs computer cleaner on _Intervention_
30. Kid-Prop Jamboree at Frist
31. Stress, Princeton’s unit of exchange value
32. The annual Terrace post-graduation mass exodus to Williamsburg
33. Your wireless internet password
34. Cool sunglasses
35. The true meaning behind _Inception_: an allegory of Fellini’s _8 ½_
36. Your Fulbright iPhone app
37. Non-bros trying to ice other non-bros. Leave it to the bros.
38. Actual chillwaves
39. Soft or hard water
40. Soft or hard penises
41. Finding out my little sister is a fangbanger
42. Refusing to go to Trenton
43. “Task Forces”
44. My boyfriend mentioning that my blue eyes match my gray skin
45. Don Cheadle’s sequel to _Hotel Rwanda_, _Hotel for Dogs_
46. You, jogging (me, hungry!)
47. Homepage multimedia
48. Ralph Lauren presents the First Shoppable Children’s Storybook, narrated by Harry Connick Jr.
49. Comedians who yell
50. Dogs who age
51. Really tan couples
52. Anyone who just searched the App Store for “Fulbright”
53. Boys who casually play the song “Hallelujah” on their guitars
54. And then try to hook up with you
55. Radio stations that still play Nickelback
56. National parks that don’t allow motor vehicles, but do allow helicopter tours
57. My soiled underwear on your bedroom floor
58. _The Artist is Absent_: a contemporaneous retrospective of the retrospective _The Artist is Present_
59. Cam’ron discussing his IBS
60. ABC continuing to harvest organs from the _Lost_ carcass
61. My mom’s Blackberry
62. My dad’s hugs
63. My preceptor’s one blazer
64. The time I tried out for Orange Key and accidentally got into Tower
65. The social taboo against crying in public
66. The social taboo against analingusing in public
67. “The Next Justin Bieber”
68. The five million dollars The Situation is making this year
69. Things that cannot be dubstep remixed (Astroturf, verbs, most non-fiction, _Spider-Man 2_, cotton)
70. The piss-tasting beer I just pissed onto my roommate’s bed
71. Josh Weinstein, “connecting student bodies” since please stop
72. Lady Gaga’s meat wallet softly closing over my thick metal hook
73. The Ground Zero Masque (starring Rick Lazio)
74. Rappers who mispronounce a word to rhyme and start the next line with “oops, I mean”
75. “0% APR”; or, watching television
76. “How many eyes does this baby have?”; or, using Facebook
77. People older or younger than me
78. A magical encounter between man and horse
79. Good sources of fiber
80. When people say, “oh my god, that came out so wrong!”
81. Questions _New York_ magazine asked me before I could ask myself (“Why am I Sometimes Sad as a Mom?” and “Is my Baby Racist?”)
82. My racist baby
83. Thetarific photo shoots in Prospect Garden
84. Bigots so lazy they don’t get around to stabbing Muslims until they’re back in the news
85. The time I put coke in my coffee and Splenda up my nose
86. The time on _Top Chef_ I forgot to render my duck fat properly
87. My mom’s suggestion that I take a year off to get to know my muscles
88. _Sisterhood of the Traveling Diapers_ starring Danny DeVito, Betty White, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Blake Lively
89. They made a television show out of a Twitter feed.
90. Everyone always chewing gum all the time
91. My salacious grandpa
92. Butterfly hair clips
93. “Butterfly” by Crazy Town
94. Your story about your John Nash sighting. Except that one about Nash in the elevator with SAE pledges. Tell that one again please!
95. Certificate sluts
96. That time my spaceship was fueled by the deaths of 54 million indigenous people
97. Ja Rule’s comeback
98. My guardian angel telling me I’m not worth it anymore
99. Your crushingly mediocre boner
100. Obama’s crushing mediocrity