A Poem
I. The Commemoration of St. Malachy falls on November 3, so as not to conflict with the feast of All Souls. A prophet, Malachy extirpated barbarism from the Church. II. St. Malachy was named Abbot of Bangor in 1123. “That’s Ban-gor, not Banger, like banging someone,” my mother said as we drank Guinness in Groomsport. […]
David Brundige Broke My Heart
David Brundige’s senior thesis production, “Pig Tails,” reviewed. “Go see ‘Pig Tails,’” writes Gold.
A Beautiful Spotless Mind
Seriously, Charlie Kaufman is tha man: in the past five years, he has penned the unbelievable scripts for Being John Malkovich, Adaptation, Confessions of a Beautiful Mind, and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. In such a short period, he has become Hollywood’s kooky, alternative mastermind, carving his own psychologically silly niche which seems so […]
Intime Knows that Sex Sells
They say you learn something new every day. “Aight,” you’re going, “but do you really?” I’m gonna go out on a limb now and say that that’s the basic premise of this here education: learning. But even if I’m generous and say that I learn something new every day I go to class or do […]
Narcissistic Love Fest
The last time I was in a “gallery” was when, having in my three months in Rome long exhausted all the great venues, I jumped into a cab and decided to take a look-see at the Roman Napoleonic Museum and Modern Art Gallery. How bad can be a Napoleonic Museum and Art Gallery be? Terrible. […]
Aloft and Not a Little Aloof
Chang-rae Lee’s third novel, Aloft, released earlier this month, is a book of firsts.
Dating the Facebook
After coming back from the Street with my buddies one night, we were trying to decide on a new challenge with regard to the females on campus. After all, there are only so many things you can do with Spelling-Bee Girl in TI. So as we peeled the pizza off the carpet, ate it, and […]
Jargon of Inauthenticity
Academia is awash with fifty dollar words that few can buy. Those terms, spoken in a certain style, presented in papers, at conferences, 4:30 lectures, were once music to my ears. Now all I hear is the caustic evasion of responsibility. Theoretical jargon has become the equivalent of fancy clothes, specialized watches, and fashionable parties […]
The Addict’s Special Need
She could take exactly six-and-a-half steps from one end of the room to the other, and that’s considering she has really short strides.
Uncreative Writing Response #1
you dialed the wrong number ___-__ _______ feathers sequins fingers France in the springtime yellow towels ____ _____ _____ fill in the blank who did you sell your _____ to the neighbor? which neighbor? _______ I baked a cake, you stole it I will bake another one a bruise on his wrist without explanation she […]
Poems
In fond memory of the Persian and Andalusian poets Dear, you are the hottest of all living men. Your eyes are brilliant as the puddle of oil in the parking lot, You caper like a plastic bag tumbling amid the cars. Your teeth are as rows of eggs in the carton, Your eyebrows are two […]
The Twenty Years War
Duncan Nussbaum always had a feeling God was out to get him. When he was six years old, he was eating a cheese sandwich – this was back when his parents still kept kosher – and snatched a piece of salami off his brother’s plate, mixing it in his own, daring the Lord of Hosts […]
These are the Things She Tried
On October 3, God sat in his white chair with a book suspended in front of him, a pen twirling between his fingers. Of both hands, because he’s ambidextrous. It’s Yom Kippur, a day scheduled for his Jewish constituents and he’s listening to the prayers filtering up through the clouds, up to his chair, and […]
Borrowed Words: Learning to Write by Rote
At 12:59 on a Monday, professor Craig Dworkin stood at the front of the class in his graying black sweatshirt, coffee cup in hand and said, “Okay, so right now we’re going to experiment with Breton’s automatic writing. If you get stuck, just think of the letter L and words that start with L.”
Automatic Writing
Listening is like dragons on an uncomfortable day. Last night my feet were cold, biting, I think they bit me. Sunny Bono, but we’ve heard that one before. Yesterday I sold my chappals for an accent to wear in America. Those gay guys are amazing, look how they synchronize, blueberry cascading into millenniums and stroking […]
AUTOMATIC WRITING EXERCISE #1
I see yellow spot ontology the razzle sunrays of elephantitic love-knots dazzling over my raspberry burst kisses in infinitudes of plenteous silence. When we see the L love of life-light Lincoln Center lollipops we will know our ship has sailed. When we were dancing naked the beautiful sunrays came in to kill us, silently. We […]
Dyad: Semi-automatic Writing
1 I never knew if the air opened above our heads or scattered from the sunshine of a thousand bloody gods + feet + lambskin gloves the size of fish to come of streams + lakes + faucets in the decrepit halls of men + their famous children. A line was drawn and out of […]