REBUS VENTURI!

May 5, 2005

Passing Over Passover

“Passover is passé,” my father said from the passenger seat of my mother’s car. “People don’t have Seders anymore.” “Passover must come from the same word as passé,” my mother concurred. In the backseat, I wasn’t sure about the word’s … Read More

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Don’t Sweat the Bullshit…and it’s ALL Bullshit

How many times have you heard a friend or acquaintance congratulate herself on her ability to bullshit?
…
Funny thing: currently, the best-selling book at the U-Store is called On Bullshit.

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Getting Rid of a Few Distractions

Having done my part to help re-elect my class president, I noticed that one of the ongoing projects for 2007’s USG officers was “Working on plans for a new Dillon Gym.” When I saw this, I was extremely excited. There’s nothing I’d like more than to see certain facets of Dillon ameliorated. I couldn’t care less about the basketball court, or the multi-purpose room, or the squash court, or the pool, or the dance studio, or the locker rooms. All that needs to be fixed, in my mind, is the Stephens Fitness Center.

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What’s in a Name: Signifiers, Sabotage and Synthesis

Knowing virtually nothing about linguistics or etymology, we nonetheless claim the authority, by virtue of fact that we are writing this article and you are reading it, to wax philosophical on the origin of naming.

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Musical Prospects: Beck and the Crystal Skulls

Music for people who like doing nothing How are you spending your summer vacation? Ever since students have entered grade school, the question has plagued them, and every time you meet that friend you haven’t seen since the end of … Read More

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Springtime for Princeton

Until a couple weeks ago, I had been greeted every morning by a pair of men’s gray boxer shorts that had been hanging for several months from the bare branches of the tree outside my third-floor dorm-room window.

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Irony and Tonic

The Roman emperor Heliogabalus relied on a series of unusual devices to inscribe himself in the portions of popular history devoted to eccentrics, serial killers, and the sexually voracious. At times he fit into each of these categories, frequently all … Read More

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Is Orange the New Brown?

A few weeks ago, I was plugging away at my JP in the Mendel Music Library when I heard the unusual sound of shouting and pounding feet. I looked out the window and saw a small, male redhead running past Prospect House naked, yelling into a bullhorn.

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Verbatim

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Overheard at Terrace houseparties

White boy to Indian girl: You look so n ice in that dress that if you were white, you'd be pretty enough to get into Cottage.

Overheard near the Woody-Woo fountain

Guy: I hear you were naked in a communist magazine.
Girl: Hey! It wasn't communist!

Overheard at Terrace lawnparties

Guy 1: Dude, I have to get up early tomorrow to go to Russian class at 9am.
Guy 2: Dude, I have to get up at noon and smoke a joint before brunch!
Guy 3: Tomorrow's Monday.
Guy 2: Well, fine. I have to get up at noon and smoke a joint before lunch, then.

Overheard in Pyne courtyard

Girl: I can't believe you used our lube to masturbate. Guy: That shit is amazing. With six drops of that stuff I think I could fuck a walnut.

Overheard on instant messenger

Guy 1: So I ran into an ex-girlfriend of mine from high school.
Guy 2: We should take her to Paris [implying an Eiffel Tower].
Guy 1: Paris? I wish...I never even got to visit the Grand Tetons...or in her case, the Petit Tetons.