Reaper Madness

October 17, 2013

God and Old White Dudes

Spotted on Prospect Avenue: old white dudes trying to convert drunken college students to the Way of the Lord. Holding signs proclaiming, “Atheism is a temporary condition,” they spend the night stopping Street stumblers for fruitless conversations of the ecclesiastical nature.

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Welcome to Our Study

Take off your underwire bra and your prison tattoos. Thank you. Put in these earplugs please. You’ll hear us; we’ll speak very loudly and with gestures.

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Entrepeneurship’s Hostile Takeover

The people who introduced us to everything “social” and all things “innovative” have political positions and ideological stances that impact policy in real and tangible ways. As the language of entrepreneurship creeps into our vernacular, the politics of the entrepreneurial class creep into the halls of government.

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Tons-of-Sex

My last name is Sexton. I started Kindergarten a year early, so I was always younger than my classmates. With an extra year on their side, most of my classmates towered over me. In fourth grade, we played kickball in gym class, and whenever I would sock the ball real well and it would soar far, my stubby nine-year old legs worked their way around the diamond fast, while a group of my classmates would begin to chant, tons-of-sex, tons-of-sex.

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Leaving A Trace

Every muscle in my body tensed, and a knotted cocktail of fear and nerves pushed my stomach up into my chest. I wasn’t there to make a scene, but I prepared to transition to a sprint at a moment’s notice. I tried vainly to resist making eye contact, but neither of us could resist the strange magnetism of the other’s presence.

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Teenage Dreams

When I was young my mother would take me to the local theater for the free weekly movie. I watched everything they showed, sobbing through Peter Pan, laughing through Shrek 2, openly weeping at the death of Mufasa. It was my mom’s love of cinematic tales that really sparked my interest in film.

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Skimm-ing Off The Top

In the “About Us” section of their website, the creators of theSkimm proclaim: “We see ourselves as a part of a generation where women are out-earning men in paychecks and degrees. We’ve grabbed our seats at the table, now it’s time to Skimm to the head.” I researched the daily newsletter after it was recommended to me as something “super helpful” by my brother’s wealthy, educated girlfriend who works in an art gallery.

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Before, Maury

Philadelphia, 1962. “Dirty beatnik,” he muttered under his breath. Maurice Povich sat with his roommate on the balcony outside his dorm at the University of Pennsylvania. It was the night before graduation, and Al decided to light up a joint. … Read More

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Haikus for Friends

Love, in so many syllables.

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Women of Hyperdub

In a genre ostensibly centered on themes of inclusion, liberation, and progressivism, the disregard for the remarkable role of women in both the development and advancement of the Electronic avant-garde is unfortunate, and even antithetical to the cultural aspects of electronic music that I find most appealing.

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London Revisited

Settling back into old routines once again in London this summer made me think about my relationship with my old life after a year living in America. Although I was catching up with friends in similar ways and places to during my time at high school, this time all of us had come back from new places and lives so different to our old ones.

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Work Song

Take a horse to water / Lead it by the teat / Take a cow to slaughter / Choke it as it drinks

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Portraying A Town

If you’ve been on Facebook recently, you may have at some point stumbled across the page called Humans of New York. The page is insanely popular, with 1,424,016 likes and thousands of comments and shares on each post. The premise is relatively simple: every couple of days, photographer Brandon Stanton posts portraits of and quotes from interviews with random New Yorkers he approaches on the street.

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Battle of the Bedbugs

Rejoice, my comrades! Today has been a truly glorious day in the history of our intrepid battalion. From the moment we were deployed at the peak of summer heat, to our present landing as the season has begun to wane, our mission has been blessed by our Lord, the Great Bed-Crawler. All bow to His Bloodiness.

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Watch Cory Run

A few weeks ago, Cory Booker bought me ice cream. Booker, who wants you to call him “Cory” (but whose legal name is really “@corybooker”), was in town for one of his signature “Run with Cory” campaign events.

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It’s Not Chloe

“Clo? How you doin?” Luke says. I take a deep breath. “I’m okay, just getting ready,” I venture. “Where the hell are you?” he slurs. I am in Forbes’ dungeon-like art room in Princeton, NJ. Luke is outside a sports … Read More

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Verbatim

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Overheard by the Grad College

Grad student, to peer: Do you think it’s possible that I’ll ever have an idea you won’t say you’ve already tried?

Overheard in Shakespeare Lecture

Prof. Russ Leo: What’s a romantic comedy people like? Love Actually? Do people watch that? I’m acting like I haven’t seen it multiple times.

Overheard in 1901

Nass staffer: I know this is alienating to a lot of people, but I really do love Sonic Youth.

Overheard on the Street

Freshman with game, to senior: Sooo what res college are you in?

Overheard in Frist

Girl: If David tells you we’re dating, we’re not. We’re not dating. He likes to tell people that we’re dating but we’re not dating. We’re very much not dating.

Overheard in Marquand

Junior male, on Spring Breakers, exhaustedly: There are just too many tits in that movie.

Overheard in Pyne

TI Theta, listening to Tegan and Sara: I’m like shades of hipster. Just really light shades.

Overheard in Frist TV Lounge

Bro, to other bro: Well, at least the bro to bitches ratio is in our favor.

Overheard while exiting McCosh 50

Benedictine monk: You don’t have to talk to anyone at meals-- That’s probably the best part about being a monk.

Overheard on the Prince web site

Commenter: hi just had a quick query what can happen if a woman is pregnant with four babies and are given ovulation tablets?

Overheard at a Bonobo concert

Former Terran, to alt Ivy alum: Freshman year, you had the cool friends — but now the tables have turned.

Overheard in 1903

BAC dancer: How do you feel about floss versus brushing? ... I’ve flossed with my hair before.

Overheard in Rocky Private Dining Room

Jeff Nunokawa: Oh, this is the Behrman Society! I knew it was either the Behrman Society or St. A’s!

Overheard in Terrace

Soulful male: He always asks me for girl advice, and I’m like, just touch ‘em. And then see what she does.
Peers: Uh.
Soulful male: That’s not horrible. That’s just wise.

Overheard in Tower

Tower junior 1: I’m having dinner with a guy of interest tonight. Yay?
Tower junior 2: Definite yay. If he’s not impressed by you, he’ll be impressed by the food.

Overheard in Witherspoon

Nass EIC, on Prince op-ed: It’s just a lower form of language.