Mom and Dad are Splitting Up

April 18, 2024

Mom and Dad are Splitting Up: Full Design

The Nass goes to the opera, joins crew, and participates in other mildly psychosexual activities.

Verbatim

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Overheard in reference to a card trick

Social scientist who desperately wants to be more quantitative: I had to teach my magician friend Bayes’ Theorem to get him to learn that one.

Overheard post-Dillon

Sweaty girl: I was running for five minutes and it felt like an hour…I really need to increase my durability.

Overheard in East Pyne Courtyard

Bored by Putin: If you’re going to have a cult of personality, at least start with a personality.

Overheard at Drunk Meal

Sees the art in everything: Late night at Frist is pure Hopper.

Overheard in Slavic Department

Pedagogue, cracking slowly but surely: The first question is how do we read this? Is she literally laughing to herself? Presumably, she doesn’t say HA, HA. Perhaps, this giggle is the start of madness. A clue that she’s literally losing her mind here.

Overheard at International Antiquarian Book Fair

An American, likely: Jenny got back to me on the communist presbyterians.

Overheard during textual analysis

Hypercritical reader: You should go to confession. You should beg God for forgiveness if you write a poem this bad. This has probably taken away 15 minutes of life that I will, like, never get back.

Overheard while perusing Princeton website

Over-it: Ah, here it is. The carefully gendered and ethnically balanced group of acne-free Princeton students.

Overheard one sunny April day

Critical theorist: Where the best pastrami can be found is a major theological debate.

Student: Which school do you subscribe to?

Overheard near Dickinson

Scholar of the Civil War: We’re not going to bed any fellows that we shouldn’t be bedfellows with. That’s to say, we shouldn’t have a union with slaveholders.

Overheard in Cap backyard

A frustrated diver: Getting wet is the hardest part.

Overheard in History Department

Professor, on Abraham Lincoln: He was an ugly giant. A real nobody. He had a high, ugly voice. He once said, “It’s good I’m not two-faced, cause nobody would want to see two of these.” 

Unconvinced junior: You’re talking like you knew him.

Professor: I did. I bullied him in high school.