September 29, 2017


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Overheard at Terrace

Terran, upon hearing that North Korea accused Trump of declaring war: I never thought I'd have a jalapeño popper in my mouth when I learned of the beginning of the apocalypse.

Overheard after a Nass meeting

Yung aspiring journalist: I want to third floor bicker the New Yorker.

Overheard in Terrace

Ivy junior: How much do you think Graham Phillips thinks about me?

Overheard at Terrace

St. A's senior: So, I'm writing a manifesto. Don't verbatim me.

Overheard at Quaker Bridge Mall

Ivy junior to junior history major: We’re such douchebags. You just said "bourgeois means of production" in a Claire's.

Overheard in 1903

SWUG, reading her ex's Facebook status: Anyone want to make latkes? Also, I'm bisexual.

Overheard on campus

Blivy member: After reading for African-American history, I've realized having someone else do my laundry is my intersectional feminism.

Overheard by Pyne

PFA male: You don't want to know too many atheists. It means you're not converting them fast enough.

Overheard at Panera

International Pi Phi, attempting to refer to the GPS-tracked buzzer: Hey, do you have a vibrator?

Overheard in iMessage screenshot

Private Equity bro/Yale alum, upon arriving in Princeton: The Brooks Brothers. Spectacular. Should be on Madison.

Overheard coming back from Terrace

Sober sophomore: You smell like weed and sadness.

Overheard in Pyne

Dangerously high male, to art major/significant other: You are so aesthetic but you have no utility.

Overheard on iMessage

Cornell frat bro: This sorority girl wouldn't let me drive her home because she didn't believe I was sober after watching me tear up the dance floor. Couldn't comprehend how someone could be sober and bring that much energy.

Overheard on Ivy Listserv

Defensive man: You may be busy trying to lose your virginity, but I'm busy trying to read my Greek-English lexicon.

Overheard in Frist basement

Senior, on job recruiting: I think I'll go to a theological seminary. I just feel closer to God through this process.

Overheard at Cafe Viv

Theta senior: Great, I spilled soup all over my $200 dress. I guess it's fine, I have to change before sailing practice anyway.