Influencia

September 29, 2017

Head & Shoulders

“We agree about everything; our dependence on Nyquil, the tragedy of internalized misogyny, and the exact punctuation to use when texting fuckboys.”

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The Parapsychologists

“From the driveway, Professor Jahn was visible standing behind the screen door. He did not motion or wave as we drove off. He just watched us leave.”

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The Dead Guys

“We always did the same things every day: we went into the toy store and rearranged all the Rubik’s Cubes. We went into the library and looked at the medical encyclopedias or biographies of old ugly white guys in wigs.”

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September Re-readings of an August Letter Never Sent Toward Jericho in the Shadows of the Fading Sun

“Four Italians and an Israeli sitting in a blue Chevrolet. It could be the start of a joke.”

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Stages of Departure

“What do you do when you suspect
that you’ve unleashed the atom bomb of the Universe”

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King of All Fruits

Passover the lychees.

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Lost Pieces

“Nails are too long,
can’t remember to cut them
they are colored with everything I hold
like the skin of orange peel—
a citrus flesh that never bleeds”

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Verbatim

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Overheard at Terrace

Terran, upon hearing that North Korea accused Trump of declaring war: I never thought I'd have a jalapeño popper in my mouth when I learned of the beginning of the apocalypse.

Overheard after a Nass meeting

Yung aspiring journalist: I want to third floor bicker the New Yorker.

Overheard in Terrace

Ivy junior: How much do you think Graham Phillips thinks about me?

Overheard at Terrace

St. A's senior: So, I'm writing a manifesto. Don't verbatim me.

Overheard at Quaker Bridge Mall

Ivy junior to junior history major: We’re such douchebags. You just said "bourgeois means of production" in a Claire's.

Overheard in 1903

SWUG, reading her ex's Facebook status: Anyone want to make latkes? Also, I'm bisexual.

Overheard on campus

Blivy member: After reading for African-American history, I've realized having someone else do my laundry is my intersectional feminism.

Overheard by Pyne

PFA male: You don't want to know too many atheists. It means you're not converting them fast enough.

Overheard at Panera

International Pi Phi, attempting to refer to the GPS-tracked buzzer: Hey, do you have a vibrator?

Overheard in iMessage screenshot

Private Equity bro/Yale alum, upon arriving in Princeton: The Brooks Brothers. Spectacular. Should be on Madison.

Overheard coming back from Terrace

Sober sophomore: You smell like weed and sadness.

Overheard in Pyne

Dangerously high male, to art major/significant other: You are so aesthetic but you have no utility.

Overheard on iMessage

Cornell frat bro: This sorority girl wouldn't let me drive her home because she didn't believe I was sober after watching me tear up the dance floor. Couldn't comprehend how someone could be sober and bring that much energy.

Overheard on Ivy Listserv

Defensive man: You may be busy trying to lose your virginity, but I'm busy trying to read my Greek-English lexicon.

Overheard in Frist basement

Senior, on job recruiting: I think I'll go to a theological seminary. I just feel closer to God through this process.

Overheard at Cafe Viv

Theta senior: Great, I spilled soup all over my $200 dress. I guess it's fine, I have to change before sailing practice anyway.