I’m not a Robot

November 20, 2022

Jack and/or Jill: Full Design

This week, the Nass conducts a social experiment on BeReal, predicts the next 70 campus construction projects, and determines which famous philosophers are totally like 10/10 cuties.


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Overheard in common room

A realistic romantic reflecting on long-distance relationships: “An hour is kind of far. I wouldn't even settle for Forbes.”

Overheard at the architecture library

Preppy architecture major: "So, are you interested in the architecture of—”

Tired classmate: "Dude, I'm just trying to build some things."

Overheard at Terrace

Determined junior: “I’m in a war of attrition with my Coffee Club crush. And I intend to win.”

Overheard on Nassau St.

Wide-eyed junior: “How do you buy sweatpants? Are they widely available?”

Overheard via text

Recent graduate after meeting with a Princeton career advisor: “I feel like she’s going to peel off her skin and reveal that she’s an alien who eats resumes for sustenance.”

Overheard while leaving Whitman dining hall

Candid student: “Why would we go to the Whitman library? Do you hate joy?”

Overheard on NJ Transit

Chaotic SPIA major: “Gavin Newsom is so hot.”

Concerned friend: “Would you quit it with that? You need to go to therapy.”

Overheard in Spelman

Frequently verbatimed senior: “How do you write that in a verbatim? Eye Contact, gay handsigns?”

Overheard during a gay hangout

Feminist: “And the best part is they literally objectify men!”

Overheard during visitation

Uninvited guest: “Your room is so not child-friendly.”

Resident: “Are you a child?”

Overheard near Frist

Bro 1: “I love to eat pussy.”

Bro 2: “I love the smell of laundry.”

Overheard at Terrace

Simple-needs sophomore: “My love language is simple. You should be fucking obsessed with me.”

Overheard at Roma breakfast

Gimmicky anthro major: “And the whole epistemological gag of the thing is...”

Overheard on a Sunday evening

A true friend: “I feel like you sell yourself short in the Russian department.”

Overheard at a pregame

While watching someone sing to Taylor Swift: “You're awakening my latent homosexuality.”