December 11, 2016


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Overheard underneath Chancellor Green

Pious freshman: People deserve punishment, though; I mean we all deserve punishment.

Overheard in ANT 215

Professor: I’m sure many of you have actually seen someone choking to death. Well, maybe not, I hope not.

Overheard in seminar

Religion graduate student: Have you guys ever thought about queering the post office?

Overheard outside Frist

WASP: My dad finally got a personal email. Now that it doesn’t have the CEO signature, I don’t even know if it’s him.

Overheard on Twitter

Princeton History professor: I am generically attractive and play by the rules. How can this be happening to me?

Overheard in East Pyne

Professor, to guest lecturer: Don’t worry, my students are less scary than the Taliban.

Overheard in Pyne

Aesthete: I want my clothes to be like Helvetica. Minimum effort, maximum palatability.

Overheard in Patton Hall

Senior lit-bro: I was actually thinking of going to a public restroom to shave my pubes because I didn’t want to shave them in ours.

Overheard in Rocky

Freshman: I really want to hate-fuck my writing sem professor

Overheard in Berlind Theater

Senior contemporary dancer, solemnly: I have a knot in my ass. From twerking.

Overheard in seminar

Buff professor, on the English working class: They were hungry and fugly.

Overheard near 1903

Woman, emphatically: OK, no, we talked about this, your parents are more Wall Street than my parents.

Overheard on the way from Cottage the U-Store

Girl dressed in toga: In the past three days more of my calories have been from alcohol than from literal food.

Overheard on iMessage

White feminist, to man: literally send me reparations on venmo.

Overheard in C-Store

Frosh NorCal girl: I usually only drink green juices if they’re cold pressed.

Overheard in Murray Dodge

EIC of the Tory, to friend: I had the most awesome conversation with him about Christian theology. *whistles the Star Spangled Banner*

Overheard in history seminar

Professor: You know what the faculty’s name for the Prince is? The world’s worst college paper.

Overheard in seminar

ECS Professor: I hope all of you die before I do...I’m actually immortal.