Girls Say Yes to Boys Who Say No

November 15, 2013

Spoilers Ahead: Riverdale Season 2 is a Soap Opera for a Younger Audience

In this new season, Riverdale’s soapy plot and neon-lit diner is su used with violence and vigilantism.

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Inside Rush

In my mind, fanny packs have always fallen into the realm of the unthinkable. Grouped with the likes of socks with sandals, crocs, and parachute pants, they were one of those social taboos that needed no explanation. And yet, one recent Saturday night, much to my own surprise (disgust?) I found myself standing at a pregame, in semi-formal attire, drink in hand, with a flaming orange sack strapped around my waist.

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Getting Lucky

It’s 5:37 a.m. and I’m straggling through the slums in neon orange short-shorts I reserve for nights like these, nights like last night, along with the first shirt I saw on the ground which I couldn’t really see in the dark of his room but it’s large and now the sunrise has revealed it to be a tee shirt from some leadership conference or some shit and I think This is ironic because I was totally leading last night if you know what I mean and then I’m like is that even irony or am I just awesome?

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12 Years a Slave

Steve McQueen’s 12 Years a Slave is tense and unflinching. Its relentless intensity and graphic brutality has been the defining feature in the media, but it is also an essential part of the film and the primary reason it could become the most important portrait of American slavery yet on camera.

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The New American

It’s difficult for me to avoid skepticism when commercials are overly sentimental about their own brands. “It’s time to become better versions of ourselves,” narrates a deep, persuasive and compelling voice which overlays the empty airport powering to life.

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Mariachi at the Met

Saturday mornings always give rise to endless possibilities. A few Saturdays ago, a friend and I decided to profit from the day by heading to New York City for the 6th annual “¡Fiesta! Celebrating Hispanic and Latin Cultures” at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, a day of cultural festivities featuring live folk dance performances and various workshops and activities in the large indoor halls and courtyards of the museum.

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The Wolf Speaks

The genealogy of nominative determinism begins with my ambivalent attitude toward this series of articles. Whenever the Nassau Weekly name column would come up in casual conversation, I would exclaim that there could be nothing potentially interesting in a piece truly about the writer’s name. After all, I thought, what would have to be true for an article about your name to be interesting?

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I Think Therefore I Am Tolerant

Recently, a friend was telling me how a certain musical artist had entranced him with her talent—until he found out she was very religious and thanks God for her success. My friend considers himself liberal and advocates for the rights of women, racial minorities, and the LGBT community—yet, for him, religion elicits a “bad taste in [his] mouth.”

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Slam Dunk

Lily Gellman, a freshman, is one of fifty students who auditioned for Ellipses, Princeton’s slam poetry team, this fall. Gellman, who became involved in spoken word during her senior year of high school, hoped to continue to hone her passion for spoken word at Princeton and was excited to discover a slam team on campus.

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Shades of Grades

In my pompous English private high school, the importance of excelling in yearly exams was impressed upon us from age 13. I remember on my first day of physics class in the equivalent of freshman year, the teacher stood gravely in front of us and uttered the words: “Last year, all 23 of my students received A*s. Do not be my first A.” A* was the equivalent of an A+—the highest grade you could get.

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The Low Is What I Came For

Heart of stone, rind so tough it’s crazy / that’s why they call me the avocado, baby. Shouted alternately by a cheerleading squad and lead singer, this hook appropriately announces the return of Los Campesionos! in the single “Avocado, Baby” from their new album No Blues. It’s a little bit ridiculous, catchy and self-deprecating, and classic Campesinos.

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Greek Life

In the past month I’ve read loads of Greek classics. It was a really depressing month filled with people killing their kids, kids killing their parents, people marrying their parents, people stabbing other people in their eyes or at least stabbing themselves in their eyes. It seems like these things were so common in ancient Greece that sacrificial infanticide became unimportant enough that Homer left it out of why the Achaeans won the Trojan War.

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Fears, Beers, and Freshman Year

“Excuse me, do you have an extra cigarette?” I asked a woman outside New York Penn Station on my way home from Reunions in June. As I inhaled, the previous nine months began to transform from life to memory, things that were happening to things that had happened, becoming things that had happened to me rather than things I had made happen.

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Fear Itself

I never sleep well when I am home. This is usually due to physical—not mental—distress: in eighth grade I inherited a three-quarter sized bedframe from the eighteenth century, a Sharpless heirloom that my grandparents wanted to get rid of. Rare is the vendor in this century that sells a mattress fit to its arcane proportions, so my parents threw two futons on it and told me it was temporary.

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Verbatim

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Overheard in REL class

Woman: Apparently hedgehogs need to be pet frequently or else they become anti-social—
Grad Student: Just like dating a doctoral candidate.

Overheard in Cafe Viv

Pi Phi pledge: I don’t really care about Iraq.

Overheard on Witherspoon

Sensitive, pallid male, excitedly: He sent us a link to all of Ulysses as an audiobook! Now I can listen to it at the gym.

Overheard on Buzzfeed

List: 17 Perfect Ways to Return to your Family After Going to War

Overheard in Butler Basement

Math bro: There’s a really cool undergraduate math colloquium tomorrow... but it’s at the same time as the Goldman quant info session. I’m being tested.

Overheard in Lewis Library

Woody Woo major, to friend in the throes of romance: How can we optimize your love?

Overheard in Frist

Nass soph, looking at photo of himself: You should Insta that. I like knowing that I exist on social networks I don’t participate in.

Overheard on MatheyMail

Girl: Hey Mathey, Does anyone happen to own a whip, leash, collar, or fur vest I could borrow for tomorrow? I promise no sketchy activities will occur with the items.
TI SAE: I have a whip, leash, and collar. However, I do not happen to have a fur vest.

Overheard in Icahn

Jaded ISC freshman: I basically expected college to be a series of a cappella concerts with some classes in between, and that’s just not the way it’s been.

Overheard by Blair Arch

Guy: It’s not that I’m fascinated by her, exactly. More by what she stands for.
Girl: Judaism?

Overheard outside Patton

Columbia kid: SAE? Society of American Engineers?

Overheard outside Viv

Interviewer: Educational start up?
Interviewee: Yup. But for-profit.
Interviewer: For profit? Excellent.

Overheard on iMessage

Terrace male, to Pi Phi female: You have an iron I can borrow by any chance? Mini fashion emergency.

Overheard in Terrace

Stoned job-seeker: Anyone looking for a resident chiller, perhaps?

Overheard in Whitman

Pi Phi pledge: Why did you just ignore him?
SAE pledge: I already have too many people I say hello to.

Overheard on NJTransit

Bro: I’m so excited for brunch. Finna get some tofu scramble, doe.

Overheard in the halls of Whitman

Male: ...Am I famous? No, I’m not famous. Maybe notorious.

Overheard outside Frist

Dude on phone, snarling: I know it’s pronounced “How-ston,” I spent a fucking summer in New York.

Overheard in Terrace

Ivy senior: I wore my Amherst sweatshirt to State Night once.

Overheard in TI

Water polo male: She’s a closer. She is like the Mariano Rivera of blow jobs.