Girls Say Yes to Boys Who Say No

November 15, 2013


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Overheard in REL class

Woman: Apparently hedgehogs need to be pet frequently or else they become anti-social—
Grad Student: Just like dating a doctoral candidate.

Overheard in Cafe Viv

Pi Phi pledge: I don’t really care about Iraq.

Overheard on Witherspoon

Sensitive, pallid male, excitedly: He sent us a link to all of Ulysses as an audiobook! Now I can listen to it at the gym.

Overheard on Buzzfeed

List: 17 Perfect Ways to Return to your Family After Going to War

Overheard in Butler Basement

Math bro: There’s a really cool undergraduate math colloquium tomorrow... but it’s at the same time as the Goldman quant info session. I’m being tested.

Overheard in Lewis Library

Woody Woo major, to friend in the throes of romance: How can we optimize your love?

Overheard in Frist

Nass soph, looking at photo of himself: You should Insta that. I like knowing that I exist on social networks I don’t participate in.

Overheard on MatheyMail

Girl: Hey Mathey, Does anyone happen to own a whip, leash, collar, or fur vest I could borrow for tomorrow? I promise no sketchy activities will occur with the items.
TI SAE: I have a whip, leash, and collar. However, I do not happen to have a fur vest.

Overheard in Icahn

Jaded ISC freshman: I basically expected college to be a series of a cappella concerts with some classes in between, and that’s just not the way it’s been.

Overheard by Blair Arch

Guy: It’s not that I’m fascinated by her, exactly. More by what she stands for.
Girl: Judaism?

Overheard outside Patton

Columbia kid: SAE? Society of American Engineers?

Overheard outside Viv

Interviewer: Educational start up?
Interviewee: Yup. But for-profit.
Interviewer: For profit? Excellent.

Overheard on iMessage

Terrace male, to Pi Phi female: You have an iron I can borrow by any chance? Mini fashion emergency.

Overheard in Terrace

Stoned job-seeker: Anyone looking for a resident chiller, perhaps?

Overheard in Whitman

Pi Phi pledge: Why did you just ignore him?
SAE pledge: I already have too many people I say hello to.

Overheard on NJTransit

Bro: I’m so excited for brunch. Finna get some tofu scramble, doe.

Overheard in the halls of Whitman

Male: ...Am I famous? No, I’m not famous. Maybe notorious.

Overheard outside Frist

Dude on phone, snarling: I know it’s pronounced “How-ston,” I spent a fucking summer in New York.

Overheard in Terrace

Ivy senior: I wore my Amherst sweatshirt to State Night once.

Overheard in TI

Water polo male: She’s a closer. She is like the Mariano Rivera of blow jobs.