Easter Funday

April 4, 2015

Arcosanti

Three years ago, I stared up at the stars in the northern Arizona desert. I felt the smooth concrete of stargazing steps against my back.

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Leftism in Limbo

At first glance, it seems that the culture wars never really ended; they simply slipped out of public consciousness temporarily.

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The Todras Gorge

It stands, cavernous;

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Homecoming

Upon first mention of break, you tell your mom how excited you are to see her again.

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Scars

I am rolling down my aunt’s driveway in Colorado on a razor scooter.

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Across the Political Pond

You’re in America, you’re busy, you don’t have time to keep up with politics all over the world. There are a lot of parties, a lot of elections. Who can follow all of them?

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Starseeds

I first met AJ over Honey-Nut Cheerios in the cluttered kitchen of my aunt’s So-Cal home.

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Losing It

You come to his house after practice having carefully showered and shaved in the girls’ locker room. You wear a green cotton dress he can pull over your head. Has, in fact.

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Doomsday

Doomsday

Will be on a weekday. You do not need

To know why.

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Post-Thesis Life

Your thesis will get written, I promise. It will never be as good as they told you it was supposed to be.

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Verbatim

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Overheard in Whitman Dining Hall

Football bro, to other bros: The thing with business is you really need to be good at golf.

Overheard in silent library at 5 AM

Girl, whispering at full volume: Now [redacted] wants me to flush his coke for him. What am I, his mother?

Overheard in seminar

Pyne Prize winner: Bunghole means butt...[snickers].
Professor: I KNOW THAT. I’m telling you what it ACTUALLY means.

Overheard in Firestone

Jewish fratter: I don’t get stressed. Unless it’s about Iran. Or Israel. Or girls.

Overheard in Terrace

History alum ‘14: Honestly, I feel I would have gotten an A+ on my thesis if my advisor was a native English speaker.

Overheard at TI

Junior girl: I could never run for office. I’ve got way too many nudes out there.

Overheard in Intro to Media Theory

Professor Levin: I get off to critical engagement. I DO!

Overheard in Financial Accounting

Prof. to AEPi bro: I think you have a future as a CFO who goes to jail.

Overheard in Rocky

Football Player: Not only did you take my girl, you also took her in the shower that I jack off in.

Overheard in Terrace

Shiksa Brit: If I were creating a master race, it would probably look pretty Jewish.

Overheard at officer training

Martin Mbugua: Try to answer in complete sentences. The Daily Princetonian loves that.

Overheard in Mathey

Chaetophobic sophomore: I like Greece as a vacation spot, I don’t want to marry a hairy Greek man!

Overheard at Cottage

Senior girl: I love your outfit! It’s just like your wedding color palette!

Overheard on iMessage

NYU dude: But yeah imo Europe is just sorta an extension of US where Asia is straight up diff species.

Overheard via Facebook Message

WWS senior: all im sayin is i hit it first and by it i mean the discourse.

Overheard outside Frist

Wealthy bro: We only know the new royals, like the Saudis. We don’t, like, know the English royalty.

Overheard at art event

Woman, sighing: I have more followers than ever, but I feel so empty.

Overheard in Marquand

Millennial Nabokovian: Yo, check out this tangle of thorns.