Daniel Mendelsohn, Profiled

October 11, 2001


More →

Overheard in Terrace

Do you want me to eat Cheez-Whiz out of your asshole or not?

Overheard in Frist

I’m sort of disturbed by the fact that he uses my computer to look at porn. I know he wasn’t masturbating, but one day he’s just going to snap and I’ll come home to find nut all over my screen.

Overheard on Witherspoon

Guy 1: So, how goes your attempt to adopt a heterosexual lifestyle?
Guy 2: Well, I scratched my nuts, and then I smelled my fingers.
Guy 1: Wow. Six minutes in and you’ve pretty much got everything covered.

Overheard in POL 366 precept

Professor Seegers: Have you ever been west of the Mississippi?
Student: How far west is the Mississippi? Oh wait, I’ve been to California.

Overheard in Little

I hate dill pickles but I love penises.

Overheard at Cheerleading

It’s harder to keep your legs together than you thought, isn’t it?

Prof. Gould, EEB 311 (Animal Behavior)

This is one of my personal favorites, the bearded tit.

Overheard in the Cloister Dining Room

So what’s the difference between a Kappa and a Theta?
I dunno...um...like, forty pounds?

Prof. Doran in NES 201 precept

Oh, I see. ‘Between them’ doesn’t necessarily mean the earth and sky are having sex. That’s just the way my mind works, I guess.

Overheard in Blair

He’s like you, only European.
He’s not like me; I have a sense of humor.
That’s what I meant by ‘European’.

Overheard in Terrace

I really want to catch a groundhog and release it in Cottage. But they’d probably just think it was a Chinese kid and beat it up.

Overheard at Charter

The dining room at Tower looks like that place that white trash go for their b-days.
You mean Sizzler?
Is that what it’s called?