A Coarse Offering

April 6, 2014


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Overheard in Frist

Drunk girl: You gave up cheese for Lent and I gave up carbs, so how about I eat the cheese and you eat the crust of the pizza?
Drunk boy: You’re brilliant.

Overheard in HIS 362

Professor Kotkin: That’s what eating clubs are for: shaming you.

Overheard outside Frist

Freshman boy: I’m so good at bullshitting, sometimes I don’t do the reading for writing sem and I just say something anyway for the participation.

Overheard in USA Today

College admissions “expert,” on student who got into all eight Ivy League schools: He’s not a typical African-American kid.

Overheard in RoMa

Nass editor: Lately I’ve been wanting to reconnect with the girl who fed me in preschool.

Overheard in Princeton

Upper East Sider: It isn’t poverty. It’s cute. (later) I’m really level-headed and grounded.

Overheard in 1901 Hall

St. A’s junior: It’s important to look cool. If you look lame, people won’t have sex with you.

Overheard in bathroom

Man in stall: What are you doing tomorrow night?
Man at urinal: Masturbating alone in my room.
Man in stall: No nights off, huh?

Overheard at All Nighter

David Drew: I’ve heard of that scary consulting group Bridgewater.
Audience heckler, visibly agitated: It’s a hedge fund!

Overheard in Starbucks

Tween girl, carrying J.Crew bag: You can be Jamaican and white.
Tween girl 2: No, I mean she was actually Jamaican.

Overheard in Firestone

Junior editor: This kid was illiterate and couldn’t function in society, but he was good at magic.

Overheard in Viv

Blonde sophomore girl: You’ve heard of her? I didn’t realize other people listened to her.
Senior boy: It’s probably just the two of us.
(shared chuckle)
Blonde sophomore girl: Are you in Terrace too?

Overheard in Terrace

Sophomore dude: 13-year-old girls have no idea how to give handjobs.

Overheard by Studio 34

Maintenance worker, to fellow worker: Forget the Street. These kids are animals. They’re beasts. They’re just products of their environment.

Overheard on Facebook

Former USG social chair: thesis can suck a big one

Overheard in Ivy

Ivy senior: It’s about impoverished women.
Ivy senior: What, like in Africa?