Pre-Law senior: I wanna be a public defender, but I look like an eleven year old.
Preceptor, summarizing the field of psychology: You're either anxious or you're depressed.
Non-Christian explaining the Reformation: They read the Bible and then some people were like, "Hey, we should dunk ourselves more."
Ex-Nass junior while stroking his attempt at a moustache: I've gotta say, I think TI is the wokest club now.
Deep-voiced man to woman, matter-of-fact-ly: Did you know the Tory has an advice column called 'Ask Anselm?'
Orange Key guide: My brother wants to go to Penn. Who on earth has Penn as their dream school?
Girl 1: Oh, that’s my Ukranian name.
Girl 2: Oh, are you Ukranian?
Girl 1: No.
Senior man to Whig-Clio President: The number of stickers on your laptop is giving me anxiety. You're so affiliated.