One of the least nassholish ideas that I hold dear to myself is that, in the end, we will be delivered. Forces beyond our knowing care for us in ways that our slimy, underdeveloped sensory organs cannot appreciate so frequently. Call these forces Fatherormother, Older Brother, the North American arboreal superorganism. They are here amidst…

My summer vacation felt like a body. Mine felt like a river. It’s generally useful to build up a number of unreasonably applicable metaphors that seem to withdraw profundity from just about everything. It’s the only way you’ll produce what we could call meaning from something as acrid and mercurial as summer. You can best…

One or several elephants: this final issue’s back cover, which looks like a full-page ad for PNC bank because it is. We’d ask that you hereafter refrain from calling The Nass anything other than PNC Bank Presents the Nassau Weekly. The following is an abridged version of the toast I planned on delivering at the…

One sad thing about the Letter From the Editor as form is that I never receive a reply. So I’ve begun constructing the image of a child-sized, glow-in-the-dark reader in my head. Importantly, this patient reader has a mouth, and sometimes, we buck this whole epistolary exchange and talk to each other like guys. Face…

The other week, a dealer–who up until this point had seemed demure and cryptically cosmopolitan in this very European way–messaged me, “In years past, I had everything all the time.” Me and my friends laughed for a while. Then, things got quiet, and we spent the evening very sober.  The Nass “Drug Issue” split off…

When people say spring has sprung, they actually mean it has emerged from inside itself. Spring has ejected from its own abdomen through a lovely, vulvic little déchirure in the side. The whole thing sounded exactly like you’d think it would. A sloughing, whining sound then a slap. The spring’s lying there with its limbs…

CW: suicide   It’s an unfortunate structural reality that the Nass appears in print about two weeks after we collect the content that makes up the magazine. Enough time elapses to generally inhibit committed journalistic work or timely commentary on campus happenings. Not to excuse the things the Nass sleepwalks through. Or to excuse the miserable,…