100 things the staff of the Nass doesn’t want to see again next year: So much self-loathing staring back out of the mirror My love handles My puffy cheeks My cankles Food My third nipple Uncircumcised penises Uncircumcised vaginas The … Read More
The Crying Game DJ Yung Educated But Unemployed Lil Drummer Boy Sofresh n’ Soclean Dion Adonis Morissette D(ean)J Rapelye Rudeboy Giuliani Duncan Hoy-Z Lil Peni$ Lil Italy Lil Lion Man Lil Caesars Pizza Kings ?uest Missy Eliot Linton Missy Michelle … Read More
One million push-ups. Read every book ever. Join a frat. Build a fort. Get a bold new haircut. Set fire to the rain. Lose 15-60 pounds. Lose appendix. Lose virginity. Make love. Make two people cry in one night. Show every … Read More
Beep Beep. Sun’s up 9:32. Ugh. Going to hit snooze button—where is snooze button? Let’s just palm entire alarm clock and see what happens. Beeeeeep. 9:41. Was that really nine minutes?
While brainstorming what to give up for Lent, my friend Spencer suggested foregoing facial hair. This would probably be an entirely inconsequential Lenten sacrifice for the vast majority of the male population. For a stubborn, barely post-pubescent boy such as myself, however, this is no easy endeavor. For some inscrutable reason, and to the consternation of friends and family, I persist in growing absolutely disgusting facial hair.
When a boy reaches a certain age, he can make mistakes that stay with him for much longer than one night. It was the third day of frosh week, and I was a wide-eyed freshman reveling in the newfound freedom of college life.
WHO IS THE PRINCETON COAT THIEF? If you’re like me, then you have received countless emails from your residential college listserv that sound something like this: Hey Guys! Sorry to spam, but I lost my coat at (insert eating club … Read More
The following is a message from the Colorado Springs Safety Council, a proud mountain western affiliate of The Nassau Weekly. This is your safety spokesman, Melvin R. McGinnis, speaking.
