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100 Things to Do at Princeton
1. Shirley Tilghman and Christopher Eisgruber, at the same time.
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Nass 100
100 things the staff of the Nass doesn’t want to see again next year: So much self-loathing staring back out of the mirror My love handles My puffy cheeks My cankles Food My third nipple Uncircumcised penises Uncircumcised vaginas The way Shirley Tilghman blushes when I brush her hair behind her ear The way Shirley…
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127 Unclaimed Rap Names
The Crying Game DJ Yung Educated But Unemployed Lil Drummer Boy Sofresh n’ Soclean Dion Adonis Morissette D(ean)J Rapelye Rudeboy Giuliani Duncan Hoy-Z Lil Peni$ Lil Italy Lil Lion Man Lil Caesars Pizza Kings ?uest Missy Eliot Linton Missy Michelle Obama Lisa “Left Eye” Kudrow Kim Jong (F)un(k) Emilio Pucci Mane MatisYahoo! King Latifah Lil…
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100 Things to Do Before Coming to Princeton
One million push-ups. Read every book ever. Join a frat. Build a fort. Get a bold new haircut. Set fire to the rain. Lose 15-60 pounds. Lose appendix. Lose virginity. Make love. Make two people cry in one night. Show every naysayer your acceptance letter. Firmly solidify self-worth. Prepare to be demoralized. Get circumcised. Visit your…
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A Day in This Life
Beep Beep. Sun’s up 9:32. Ugh. Going to hit snooze button—where is snooze button? Let’s just palm entire alarm clock and see what happens. Beeeeeep. 9:41. Was that really nine minutes?
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Facial Hair, Don’t Care
While brainstorming what to give up for Lent, my friend Spencer suggested foregoing facial hair. This would probably be an entirely inconsequential Lenten sacrifice for the vast majority of the male population. For a stubborn, barely post-pubescent boy such as myself, however, this is no easy endeavor. For some inscrutable reason, and to the consternation…
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A Wolf in Your Clothing
WHO IS THE PRINCETON COAT THIEF? If you’re like me, then you have received countless emails from your residential college listserv that sound something like this: Hey Guys! Sorry to spam, but I lost my coat at (insert eating club here). If you accidentally picked it up, let me know! If you’re not like me,…
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