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Byline: Anonymous

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Poem for Tim Faust, who said that poems shouldn’t be about flowers

This poem not about flowers just goes to show how far we’ve come since the days when people could practically not think without a daffodil, when in poetry a rose was not yet just a rose but always stood for … Read More

by Anonymous on April 10, 2016April 9, 2016

MONOLOGUES

“Zach Feig ’18 is organizing a staged reading of monologues, submitted anonymously by students at Princeton, about their struggles with eating, eating disorders, nutrition, weight loss, weight gain, and dieting. The project’s goal is to generate conversation and community around maintaining a healthy relationship with food. The Nassau Weekly has worked with Zach to showcase a small collection of these monologues, printed here, with a similar aspiration.”

by Anonymous on May 6, 2018May 5, 2018

TI Classy-fied

Prospect’s frat house has got its weenus showing.

by Anonymous on February 22, 2012March 17, 2013

An Argument for Bigness

‘Reading,’ as describing a certain activity of eye-sliding-over-page, with eye recognizing ink blobs corresponding (by means of whatever neural calculus) either (1) to something like second-order phonemes, and therefore to certain aural centers and therefore to speech-parts of the brain, which ‘articulate’ meaning to other parts, or (2) to something like second-order morphemes, and therefore to certain visual centers, and therefore to picture-parts of the brains, which ‘project’ meanings to other parts, or (3) to some combination of (1) and (2)[1]—well, ignore that or bracket it, because I have 1,000 words and a little over, say, ten minutes to argue for long and arduous works of literature, their import and glory—and, specifically, for the particularly long and particularly arduous recent novels of Roberto Bolaño and David Foster Wallace.

by Anonymous on May 28, 2009February 26, 2014

Dr. Murdoch, der Spieler

Lately, people have been asking me a lot where I’ve been for the past few days. Well it’s funny they should ask. Let me tell you, it all started when I remembered, on Thursday, that there were no new OC … Read More

by Anonymous on October 12, 2005March 17, 2013

The Fifth Column

My father did consulting for years. Whenever he—or my uncle, also a consultant—began talking about work, I thought about their offices. They were small, poorly-lit rooms with terrible furniture, located in commercial parks off county roads. They were depressing. My … Read More

by Anonymous on February 14, 2008February 26, 2014

The Last List

It’s the apocalypse, and in its last death rattle, the illustrious Nassau Weekly decides to leave one more gift to humanity, to create the only remembrance of our time on earth, to cement an eternal legacy—to publish THE LAST LIST.

by Anonymous on December 10, 2017December 10, 2017

Shit I’ve Been Doing

I know, I know, I haven’t written in a long while, but I wish for Chrissakes you’d stop yammering on about it. I have obligations, obli-fucking-gations, and there’s no getting around them. If you think for one second that I’m … Read More

by Anonymous on December 6, 2006February 26, 2014

Our Top 10 Top 5 Lists

Top 5 Pop Songs I Love No Matter What They Say 1) “Beautiful,” Christina Aguilera 2) “Always be My Baby,” Mariah Carey 3) “Kissed by a Rose,” Seal 4) “Crazy in Love,” Beyonce Knowles 5) “I Try,” Macy Gray Top … Read More

by Anonymous on April 13, 2005March 17, 2013

Single and Desperate

Daring, bold 5’9″ Jewish M with extreme good looks has decided not to be daring and bold by placing an ad for a similarly attractive F, height < 5'8". Think Annie Hall for a better looking, more bold and daring Alvy Singer. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it might not work.

by Anonymous on December 6, 2006March 17, 2013

Flyover Country

“The people she invented shared none of her problems, none of her responsibilities. She gave them their own small disasters, which were different from her own and therefore interesting, instead of just pathetic. She was deeply, stupidly jealous of them.”

by Anonymous on November 2, 2023

Fun with Oulipo

The Unknown As we know, There are known knowns. There are things we know we know. We also know There are known unknowns. That is to say We know there are some things We do not know. But there are … Read More

by Anonymous on September 27, 2006February 26, 2014


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