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Byline: Anonymous

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An E-mail I Received from Barack Obama, Democratic Nominee for President of America

Dear Chris—

We’ve done it!

Or rather, I’ve done it—successfully completed my first debate with Sen. John McCain, whom I refer to as ‘John’ in order to seem familiar and approachable and non-Muslim.

by Anonymous on October 2, 2008February 26, 2014

Breakfast-time

At dawn she sneaks blood oranges From the grange- Land, and the seeded pulp and the climbing (where the farmers’ fence is Rough) have painted orange- Red her picking arm. For several Mornings now I’ve seen her range Her pickings … Read More

by Anonymous on May 11, 2006February 26, 2014

The Verse Debate, Part 2

Or rather, your notion of the face in Baudelaire is evasive. Poetry’s stock has fallen; that of the novel, the short story—that of prose—has risen. The New Yorker and The New York Review of Books have run articles addressing the … Read More

by Anonymous on April 25, 2007February 26, 2014

In Mammoriam

Between Fort Lauderdale and Miami lies the mid-size city of Hollywood, Florida, population 138,412. It’s an unassuming beach-front place in the regional mode. Encompassed are ten or so diners, several miles of coastline, several miles more of T-shirt and puka-shell … Read More

by Anonymous on February 14, 2007February 26, 2014

The Shtup of Whatever

Sort-of gay frosh week.

by Anonymous on October 17, 2012March 17, 2013

Single and Desperate

Daring, bold 5’9″ Jewish M with extreme good looks has decided not to be daring and bold by placing an ad for a similarly attractive F, height < 5'8". Think Annie Hall for a better looking, more bold and daring Alvy Singer. If you don't know what I'm talking about, it might not work.

by Anonymous on December 6, 2006March 17, 2013

Sprinkles

The construction guys are wearing neon hoodies and eating grilled cheese sandwiches, Sprinkled across the lawn like lobster buoys — “Confetti thrown from heaven,” you’d call them When I was on the boat and couldn’t sleep. If I went back … Read More

by Anonymous on April 24, 2016

Flyover Country

“The people she invented shared none of her problems, none of her responsibilities. She gave them their own small disasters, which were different from her own and therefore interesting, instead of just pathetic. She was deeply, stupidly jealous of them.”

by Anonymous on November 2, 2023

Three Poems

Ad Pulcherissimam Fireassam Mariannam These humid days Tend to craze More than desert sun. But if her heat Will join this heat Then come come Delirium! The Beautiful Bain of My Existence (Jonesin’) We’re all struck soon or late, you … Read More

by Anonymous on October 10, 2007March 17, 2013

A Fragile Peace

Commentary on Anna Kimmel’s “you’ve heard it before | you’ll hear it again” and suicide across college campuses

by Anonymous on April 23, 2017September 14, 2018

Shit I’ve Been Doing

I know, I know, I haven’t written in a long while, but I wish for Chrissakes you’d stop yammering on about it. I have obligations, obli-fucking-gations, and there’s no getting around them. If you think for one second that I’m … Read More

by Anonymous on December 6, 2006February 26, 2014

#what’s love

“They say love is accepting one another as is, marveling at the imperfections and delighting at the quirks.”

by Anonymous on November 12, 2017November 10, 2017


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