God, I Love My Happy Family

September 27, 2025

God, I Love My Happy Family: Full Design

Check out the full design of our newest issue below!

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An Atheist Guide to Grief

“Life had been returned to her—the one she squeezed every drop of, the one she did and redid in her stories when it was just the two of us in the living room of our first house.”

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Nass Recommends: Masquerade

6:50 pm. Thursday night. July 31. The sun slowly emerges after a day of sultry rainfall.   60 or so people, all draped in formal and cocktail attire — tuxedos, white tie and tails, ball gowns — all matching a … Read More

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I Only Want to Go Camping with People Who Hate Camping

The difficulty of being Into things when your mother is, too.

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“When I come down off this mountain”: concealment in popular queer film

As Roya Reese treks through layers of concealment, the Nassau Weekly is with her every step of the way.

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A Mother’s Mission of Unconditional Love

She lived on the beach off the west coast of Oahu for almost seven years. After a rough childhood and broken home, Kanani made it her life’s purpose to treat the world as her family. And she uses her cultural values to guide the way.

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The Scorpion

(1) My roommate stirs. Her alarm rings at 9 AM, and she hastily turns it off to avoid waking me. My half-waking dreams are all the possible ways the email I sent last night could be answered. They range from … Read More

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Do Men Even Use The Bathroom?

Not the way we do. As a refuge, as a moment of silence, as an interlude through mirrors, through cold. As a breathless moment with which to blot on two coats of lipstick and splash cold water on the cheekbones. … Read More

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Nass Recommends: Officeparks

This review started as an obligation. It was the least I could do, really, to thank my friend and congratulate them on their poetic debut. Then, when I finally opened my personal copy of the book, sent to my home … Read More

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The House Behind Gladewood Street

“I thought about how I used to sleep on Gladewood Street with the passing trains at night. It reminded me of the boy who lived even closer to the tracks than I did, whose name I couldn’t remember.”

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Letter from the Editors

Dear reader, There is a pressing discomfort in the knowledge that no image is necessarily real. Generative AI first dissolved trust in mundane photos, then spread to images of personal and collective value. We reflect on this with some hesitation—the … Read More

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Verbatim

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Overheard after a philosophy precept

Tech bro: Well, uh, my moral compass is ChatGPT, so I'm not sure I'm on board with that.

Overheard before first- year course selection

Christian, balking at the idea of an 8:30 AM lecture: Literally the only thing I would wake up for at 7:30 AM is the Second Coming of Christ.

Overheard in the Terrace Tap Room

Guy (talking about the Performative Male Contest): I just don't see why women find that kind of man attractive.

Straight Girl with heteronormative tendencies: Well, makes sense, because if you found that attractive, you'd be gay.

Guy: I AM GAY

Overheard in SPI 298 Lecture.

Professor with a pixie cut: So what does GDP stand for?

Backwards-hat-wearing econ major junior: Can I phone a friend?

Overheard in the aftermath of Charlie Kirk’s no-good, very-bad day.

Middle-aged Japanese Princeton Parent: The shooter's dad turned him in? You know, I would have just found you some dude like Jesse had in El Camino. That is some white people stuff to turn your own kid in.

Overheard in C-Floor Firestone.

Student with an undiscovered Oedipus complex: ChatGPT is like a god and a mother, and my lover.

Overheard outside Whitman.

Jewish girlfriend: Like, what is your deal, big G? God's children don't really have a great track record. Besides Jesus, but he's like the Sean Lennon to Lucifer's Julian.

Protestant-raised Princetonian: We are all Julian Lennon in the eyes of God…

Overheard on Nassau St.

American: Sam was watching an Albanian version of Jersey Shore, like, with Albanian people.

Overheard while perusing PopMart.

Clueless: Look at all these little girls you can have.

Overheard at Labyrinth.

55-year-old man: I think Miranda July is the greatest writer of our generation.

Crossword

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