Pensive freshman: “The most frustrating thing about being a human being is that you can’t possibly know everything.”

Down-on-his-luck German major: “I have always been vaguely melancholy and vaguely French.”

One bro, from within a showers stall: “Dude, you’re so down bad.” Another bro, from the next stall over: “I knowww.”

Girl A: “You called me during chemistry lecture that you should have been at!” Girl B: “I was at Ralph Lauren… I bought the cutest throw blanket…”

Curious Student: “What is your book about?” Professor: “Who even knows.”

Breaking Bad fan 1: “Who’s piss is that and why do they drink so little water?” Breaking Bad fan 2: “That’s Walt and he has cancer!”

Disillusioned romantic: “Having to care about your significant other’s mental state is so exhausting.”

Midterm studier and Roma hater: “Who eats fish in 2022?”

A sophomore with overly dilated pupils: “The way to make friends at Ivy is with cigarettes, ket, or cocaine.”

Christian Group, to unsuspecting student: “Do you want prayer?”

A thinker: “iPhone and Android users really do perceive reality differently.”

Public health aficionado: “James? John? Tony… Anthony. It’s Anthony Fauci.”