Guy friend: *shrugs* Hey, you said small in all dimensions.
Girl talking about her new boy toy: Yeah, well I’m not talking about that one.
Anal musician, about a girl coming to talk to him: She comes around and my anus recoils.
Guy holding the hand of a girl (who is clearly leaning away from him): If you were more flexible than you are, that would be, like, weird to me. Your amount of flexibility – totally fine.
Post-Break Princeton Dad: Looking at this news report and seeing adults get so worked up about 6-7 makes me so sad. If I unironically sound this corny, you know what to do.
Confused Princetonian: What? No I don't.
Dad: A rock to the back of my head.
Guy in quarter zip: No but I think being unemployed might be, like, really really good.
Neo-Yuppie (?): I do the poetry section for the Princeton Tory under the pen name D.V Likely.
Student totally being hazed: This feels like hazing.
Frat bro: It’s not hazing, it’s just… tradition.
Hazee: That’s not better.
First-year still getting the sense of things: I think my laundry’s been in the dryer since Monday but I’m scared to check.
Exhausted Senior: I thought the fire alarm was my alarm, so I just kept trying to sleep through the noise.
Philosophy student: Associate with your manhood, it gives your privilege…gay guys tend to have that problem really bad.
Student: Coffee is not that scary.
Mormon-coded student: Yes it is, it’s a gateway into addiction.
A girl speaking about large polarized sunglasses: When I see guys wearing those sunglasses I think they look like flies. Like flies with really big heads.
Girl en route to Charter: I'm looking for any semi-tall, semi-skinny white guy… it doesn't matter actually.
Tech bro: Well, uh, my moral compass is ChatGPT, so I'm not sure I'm on board with that.
Frazzled student: Sorry for being late, I just had the most wonderful conversation with a Kazakh woman.
Crazed chick: I'm literally going to convert to Judaism.
Enabler: You called down rains from Adonai.
Student telling a story: …so I never ate anything bad in my childhood…
Another student interrupting: Like paint?
Member of the LGBTQ+ Community: I think a gay man and a straight woman can have sex and be in a normal marriage.
Bored 20-something dude: Wanna cop a ludicrous felony and attack the electrical grid?
Guy on coffee date: I think SOC is really easy.
Girl on coffee date: *nods*
Guy on coffee date: I don't even know what SOC is.
Stereotypical SPIA major: I interned at McKinsey this summer.
Her coffee date: Oh, does one of your parents work there?
SPIA major: No, my dad's a client.
Coffee date: A big client?
SPIA major: Yeah, like a really big client.
Tech bro: Well, uh, my moral compass is ChatGPT, so I'm not sure I'm on board with that.