Ally: You used to be in gay love. Star-Crossed friend: Well I was never in gay love.

I have this friend… she’s one step away from being a white woman with dreads.

Athlete, discussing his friends: Who’s touse and who’s bouse?

Someone’s father: Remember when you hugged your grandma Bess and it felt like you were hugging a stripper pole in Vegas?

Over-eager sophomore: I love your shirt! Is it from India? Bob-cut ginger: It’s from J. Crew..

Editor-in-Chief Emeritus of The Tory: To what value is the HUM sequence for the investment banker?

HUManist: I want to be his sacrifice gladly offered.

Virtuous Man: I flee without paying, without saying goodbye.

Honest proletarian: Accounting is less clout, but it’s honest work.

Anonymous poster: Bicker is like thinking the stripper likes you.

Woman mid argument with her (ex?)boyfriend: Well, I have never sued anyone and still had sex with them.

Club Basketball Player: My three lesbian daughters are going to dominate me.