First-year still getting the sense of things: I think my laundry’s been in the dryer since Monday but I’m scared to check.
Exhausted Senior: I thought the fire alarm was my alarm, so I just kept trying to sleep through the noise.
Philosophy student: Associate with your manhood, it gives your privilege…gay guys tend to have that problem really bad.
Student: Coffee is not that scary.
Mormon-coded student: Yes it is, it’s a gateway into addiction.
A girl speaking about large polarized sunglasses: When I see guys wearing those sunglasses I think they look like flies. Like flies with really big heads.
Girl en route to Charter: I'm looking for any semi-tall, semi-skinny white guy… it doesn't matter actually.
Tech bro: Well, uh, my moral compass is ChatGPT, so I'm not sure I'm on board with that.
Frazzled student: Sorry for being late, I just had the most wonderful conversation with a Kazakh woman.
Crazed chick: I'm literally going to convert to Judaism.
Enabler: You called down rains from Adonai.
Student telling a story: …so I never ate anything bad in my childhood…
Another student interrupting: Like paint?
Member of the LGBTQ+ Community: I think a gay man and a straight woman can have sex and be in a normal marriage.
Bored 20-something dude: Wanna cop a ludicrous felony and attack the electrical grid?
Guy on coffee date: I think SOC is really easy.
Girl on coffee date: *nods*
Guy on coffee date: I don't even know what SOC is.
Stereotypical SPIA major: I interned at McKinsey this summer.
Her coffee date: Oh, does one of your parents work there?
SPIA major: No, my dad's a client.
Coffee date: A big client?
SPIA major: Yeah, like a really big client.
Tech bro: Well, uh, my moral compass is ChatGPT, so I'm not sure I'm on board with that.
Christian, balking at the idea of an 8:30 AM lecture: Literally the only thing I would wake up for at 7:30 AM is the Second Coming of Christ.
Tech bro: Well, uh, my moral compass is ChatGPT, so I'm not sure I'm on board with that.
Guy (talking about the Performative Male Contest): I just don't see why women find that kind of man attractive.
Straight Girl with heteronormative tendencies: Well, makes sense, because if you found that attractive, you'd be gay.
Guy: I AM GAY
Professor with a pixie cut: So what does GDP stand for?
Backwards-hat-wearing econ major junior: Can I phone a friend?
Middle-aged Japanese Princeton Parent: The shooter's dad turned him in? You know, I would have just found you some dude like Jesse had in El Camino. That is some white people stuff to turn your own kid in.
Student with an undiscovered Oedipus complex: ChatGPT is like a god and a mother, and my lover.
Jewish girlfriend: Like, what is your deal, big G? God's children don't really have a great track record. Besides Jesus, but he's like the Sean Lennon to Lucifer's Julian.
Protestant-raised Princetonian: We are all Julian Lennon in the eyes of God…
American: Sam was watching an Albanian version of Jersey Shore, like, with Albanian people.