It has been brought to our attention that one of you, no need to mention who, has already lost his pledge pin. pledges, this is unacceptable. for this you will be raped as an example to the other pledges. as is customary, a few of us will convene to elect a team of 9 brothers that will systematically but ruthlessly run train on your brown ass. subsequently, you will be beaten with an extension chord [sic] at our discretion. i think it goes without saying that the ceremonies will conclude with the wearing of the persian eye
goggles, i.e. the resting of our scrotums over your eyes. if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to go and fuck yourself.
Overheard on a certain fraternity email list
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I Sit, Soulless
“The East Coast rain—an element that had nourished my roots and sprung me into being—suddenly felt heavy. I was no longer wet behind the ears.”
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Rock Stacking and Doom Scrolling, On Repeat
A Nass contributor evades the limits of time, on a remote sandbar in Maine and on YouTube Shorts.
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Jennifer Weiner’s Roots in the Nass
A New York Times Bestselling author shares how the Nass’s spirit of journalistic curiosity accelerated her creative practice
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Dead Phone
People in the New Jersey Transit Newark Liberty International Airport Train Station bound for New York City: A man with blood on his face drinking Starbucks and A woman asking Starbucks blood man which side goes to Penn Station, swinging a Louis Vuitton bag with a supremely veined hand in front of A woman with…
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Nass Dispatch: Rowing Camp Chronicles
A Nass editor abroad reflects on a decidedly unNass-like pastime.
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Say It Like You Mean It With Your Fists for Once
A Nass writer says it like he means it with his fists for once
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This week we’ve got so much to say and only twentyy pages of magazine to fill so let’s just leave it at “GO!”: Full Design
The Nass doesn’t have the time/space for introductions, so, this week, we get right into it.
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Fugue on the Theme of a Name
“He noticed his own language was becoming violently metaphoric. The unseen power of this landscape awakened his mind to un-apprehended combinations of thoughts.”
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Amazing Thai in Princeton NJ Needs to be on Your Radar
A team of two sisters offers up authentic Thai cuisine for the chilly spring weather
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From Typesetting to Tradition: Marc Fisher’s Footprint on Nassau Weekly
An alum reflects on the Nass before the Nass: a Holder-based pilot mag called Friday
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The Sartrean Diary of a Cranky Barista
“Perhaps days are too long for me. I must change the scale of memory. I’ll try writing in hours and minutes.”
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Anabasis
Today, the forecast in Avernus: heavy fog; flash flood warnings; rising tides from the River Cocytus and Acheron. “New at 11, we’ll see that despite our individual attempts at self-control, lamenting and sorrow will continue spilling into the future,” the weatherman drones, and haunted, I think of those ghosts with clipped wings clicking their…