- Non-females
- Columns in the Daily Princetonian
- Rows in the Daily Princetonian
- Nepotism
- The Harvest Moon
- Philosophy bros
- Boob sweat
- Crying and listening to “Fast Car”
- Banana jelly beans
- Blisters in the sun
- Big Sean-anigans
- Vigilante justice on the free-food listerv
- Lack of vigilante justice in precept
- Pollen hybridized with chlorine gas
- Clogs
- How many pages does it need to be?
- wow
- Vague outrage
- Radiators making cat noises in the night
- Urban Congo
- Describing shit as “urban”
- Urban Outfitters drop crotch pants
- “The city“
- “I just need a moment”
- “Alternative” career fairs featuring Princo
- Hot takes
- Cold hummus
- Unfermented beverages
- Computer-written poetry
- Cleanses
- Percocet
- Ben affleck’s shaft
- All of it
- Vocal fry’s hostile NPR takeover
- Your short story about a disillusioned college student struggling to write a short story
- Weak chins
- Not being carried everywhere like a goddamn baby
- Languages other than French being spoken in the bedroom
- Anything but stony silence in the bedroom
- Nationalism
- The certainty of death
- Unintelligent dance music
- Mass incarceration
- Police brutality
- Anyone, at any point, being made to feel unsafe at Princeton
- Unbridled ecstasy
- Thinkpieces on drones
- Thinkpieces on millennials
- Thinkpieces on thinkpieces
- Feigned indignation
- Your tangled web of lies
- No strings attached cocaine
- Living far away from trees
- Intelligent dance music
- “Socially liberal, fiscally conservative”
- Sleeping in the Nass office
- Shtupping in the Nass office
- Kleenex with Vicks
- Push pins
- Living far away from a loved dog
- The English Canon
- The cannon of Cannon
- The camel of Cannon
- Limp puns
- Asymptotes
- Boys who don’t leave in the morning
- People describing prose as “Hemingway-esque”
- Noncommittal subtweets
- Bold
- Dog psychologists
- No comment
- People who comment, ‘This!!’
- Canada Goose
- Teardrops on guitars
- Unsolicited guitar playing at social gatherings
- Recommended readings
- Memes that aren’t dank
- Tweets that aren’t fire
- A future where I don’t have a job
- A future that doesn’t include the dismantling of systemic inequality
- Late meal water bottles
- Big Sean
- Little Christopher
- Medium Kenny
- Skinny Claire
- Swollen Jesse
- Pint-Sized Larry
- Antisocial justice
- Residual high school ambition
- Adults wearing overalls
- Undergraduate e-mail signatures
- Guys in infinity scarves
- Women not shaking hands with other women
- Pining
- Grinding
- Pegging
- The Whore of Babylon who sitteth upon the great waters
- The girl’s-hand-on-guy’s-chest couple photo pose.
- The girl’s-hand-on-guy’s-knee couple photo pose.