Rites of Spring

February 21, 2014


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Overheard in Ivy

Gay sophomore: I’d be a good Pi Phi. I think I’d be the best Pi Phi.

Overheard in Pyne

Theta expatriate: Thank God I’m a woman, otherwise I’d have nothing to struggle against.

Overheard in Little

Tower member: So which would you say is the eating club for poor people?

Overheard on iMessage

Southern belle: im a slutty preteen!!!

Overheard in Terrace

Junior Terran, on childhood party: I was told it was a Spice Girls party, so I went as paprika.

Overheard on iMessage

AEPi junior: Is it snowing in New York? I need to figure out if I should bring my hipster shoes or not.

Overheard in post-meng area

TI girl 1: Don’t make out with anyone for two weeks!
TI girl 2: Hahahahaha.
TI girl 1: Yeah, just kidding.

Overheard outside Wilson

Cap sophomore, in the front lines of Black & Gown pickups, having spotted Nass eic: I will fix that article! I promise—(gets distracted by snowball & turns to horde, raises finger in the air)—your boobs are mine! all your boobs are mine!

Overheard in Terrace

24-year-old Ben & Jerry’s enthusiast: Squeeze applesauce is my guilty pleasure.

Overheard in Frist basement

McCosh nurse: I just traded my car in for a snowmobile.

Overheard in the CWR Department

Jennifer Gilmore, to Jeffrey Eugenides: How was the premiere?
Eugenides: Good, Kanye was there.
Gilmore: Was Kim there?
A.M. Homes, passing by: Big Kim or Lil Kim?
Gilmore: Big Kim.

Overheard on Facebook

BodyHype junior: My dick pics will be famous one day.

Overheard in REL seminar

White dude in Naacho: So who here has read Sartre for fun?

Overheard in Biomedical Anthropology

Professor Alan Mann: Here is the pelvis of a 1- to 2-year-old infant. Don’t worry, it’s plastic, it’s not an ex cutie-pie.

Overheard in Latino Politics in the U.S.

Latina student: So, a fun fact about me is I live off campus with three boys.
Professor Valenzuela: Of your own?

Overheard at a Nass meeting

Junior fratter: There are more hot girls in this meeting than in all of ti.

Overheard under Blair Arch

Tour guide, to tour group: I would rather die than live in Wilson.