New Bees

February 7, 2015


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Overheard in Dod

Physics major, recently accepted to grad school: How many is six?

Overheard at the Millions March

KA bro: I only cry at musicals.

Overheard by Palmer Square

Local youth 1: She’s so hot. You’re friends with her, right?
Local youth 2: Kind of.
Local youth 1: Is she weird?
Local youth 2: No.
Local youth 1: Well, is she a slut?
Local youth 2: No.
Local youth 1: Dang.

Overheard in TI

Chi Phi junior 1: In fact, I haven’t seen any dicks today.
Chi Phi junior 2: That’s amazing.

Overheard in an email

Prof. Warren: Dear Colonialists...

Overheard on MLK Day

Cottage junior: What’s Selma?

Overheard on Nassau Street

High school boy: I could really go for some pussy right now.

Overheard at Stanford

Frat bro: Yo, it’s like we invented the keyboard, and we also invented the pen.

Overheard at prominent magazine

Reporter, on phone: How would your mom sext? How would your grandma sext? Are they sexting?

Overheard in Frist

Man with e-cig, on Tower Underground: It’s underground. I have to be there.

Overheard in the Deep South

90-year-old man: Anyway, didn’t mean to get into anti-semitism.
His wife: But you can’t help it.

Overheard in Seville

Kappa senior: I drunk bought a vibrator one night. I regretted it in the next morning, though.
Male senior: Why didn’t you just cancel it, then?
Kappa senior: Well they had a two for one sale.

Overheard in Wilson

Angsty man, on phone: I’m trying every day not to sin. I’m struggling every day to confront the devil and his temptations.

Overheard in Horse Country

Ex-financier, watching Wolf of Wall Street: I don’t remember it being like this. (Nude model crashes onscreen.) Well, maybe it was.

Overheard in NES 245

Michael Cook, on coverting to Islam to fit in: People don’t invite me to their circumcision ceremonies. It’s not nice.

Overheard in groupme

Ivy male: If you check his snapchat story, [redacted] wasn’t lying. His family’s plane is kind of shitty.

Overheard postcoitally

Brooklynite: Girl, I love you so much you make me wanna include strong three dimensional female characters in my novel.

Overheard in American Cinema

Zete senior, on Brokeback Mountain: I can’t keep Jack and Ennis straight.