My Barbour Jacket

April 14, 2011

The Library Full of Bowling Balls

The short story form is a special kind of animal. It is the form that students of fiction are made to learn first, as though crafting a finely-spun tale of less than twenty or so pages is the first step toward tackling the beast that is the novel. But this is mostly nonsense.

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Making Time

The history of standard time began in the mid-1800s, when train companies in Britain began to adopt a time standard based on the sun position at the Royal Observatory in Greenwich, England, called Greenwich Mean Time (GMT). Before this, every town would have its own time standard.

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Fashion Speaks

For the last few weeks, black and white posters for a fashion show called “Fashion Speaks” have found my hallway. I tried to walk by it quickly, trying to hide the quick flit of my eye towards the peppery posters.

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Holding Out For a Hero

Paul Revere, Abraham Lincoln, Wyatt Earp, Jackie Robinson, John Wayne, Jesse Owens, Rudy, Rocky, Rambo, Ronald Reagan, Pat Tillman. Each of these men has, at one point or another, been the focal point of American adoration.

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Consider the Stalker

The cover of last week’s issue of the Nassau Weekly featured the face of Tony Kadyhrob, a 68-year-old man recently accused of trying to entice local college students into his car. Kadyhrob’s story would’ve been a minor one, had his mugshot not come out the way it did: to the collective delight of the Internet, it looks a little like Christopher Walken.

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Verbatim

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Overheard at dinner:

Post-thesis senior 1: Hey, what are you up to?
Post-thesis senior 2: Not much, I am just drawing and filling in lots of tiny bubbles.

Overheard in a presentation by an eminent arts journalist:

Asian prefrosh, raising hand: Um hi, so I am really thirsty. Where is the water fountain?
[Twenty minutes later...]
Same prefrosh, raising hand: So I really have to pee. Where is the nearest bathroom?

Overheard in a study room:

Pretty African-American girl, to white friend: I am never going to age because I am blacker than you.

Overheard in 2D Co-op:

Tofu chef: I want a parrot that's really short so I can raise it and harvest its brain.

Overheard near girls:

Girl 1, to Girl 2: [Guy's name] is super smart. I want my kids to be his kids, but I don't want to have kids with him.

Overheard in Whitman Library:

Sophomore Pi Phi 1: I wish the haters would stop hating.
Sophomore Pi Phi 2: Yeah, isn't the Pi Phi average GPA like a 3.5?
Sophomore Pi Phi 1: Yeah. We're totally smarter than all those Colonial haters.

Overheard in Nass office:

Editor-in-chief, to other editor-in-chief: Which of these sundresses do you like?

Overheard on McCosh Walk:

Blonde impassioned girl: My life story is more harrowing than Transformers, more life-affirming than The Pianist, and faster than a speeding bullet train...

Overheard in WWS 320:

Professor: If you're too happy, you're not going to progress in life.

Overheard on McCosh Walk:

Audacious prefrosh: Mom, Dad, stay far behind me so people think I'm a student.

Overheard in Frist:

Shy guy: I really like talking to you.
Less shy girl: That's great. That's really great. I don't care right now.