Investment Baking

February 13, 2022

Letter from the Editors

Dear Nass Community, During the upheaval and unpredictability of the past two years, the Nass has been a constant for both of us. While responding to the demands of the pandemic, this publication has moved from print to online-only and … Read More

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Investment Baking: Full Design

In the first issue of the forty-fourth volume, the Nass sends a missive to Cupid, traverses the world of Hommlet, and grapples with healing after near-death.

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Tales from the Village of Hommlet

“When I was young, I plunged a fork through Reason’s knee, and smote her atop a hill with electrical pylons.”

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Cartoons

Some cartoons for your Sunday pleasure.

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Don’t Skip Dessert: Adrian Rogers ‘23 Is Making Mousse

“[I’m] trying to translate these moments, these kinds of stories that I want to tell, onto a plate.”

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How to Write an ‘A’ Paper; Or, How to Play the Shame

“I’m thinking, if I sit here long enough—all this professor’s time and energy and efforts will somehow culminate in my very own A paper. That’s all feedback is, right?”

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On Vignettes

A meta-analysis of one beloved literary form.

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Forest Bathing and the Search for Healing

“I watched these two women, strangers only a few hours before, wrapped in grief and helping each other to cope. Ecotherapy teaches that the harshness of suffering and loss can awaken us to beauty.”

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Dear Cupid

Requests respectfully submitted for this cherub’s consideration.

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Verbatim

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Overheard in Kiddie Lit precept

Kind, benevolent preceptor: I’m like Oprah: I love giving extensions. You get an extension, you get an extension, you get an extension!

Overheard in Firestone

Quirky senior girl: She has no other personality except being rich and alt. Except you can't be both rich and alt; you're just rich.

Overheard in Palmer Square

WASPy mom to toddler: Your outfit is very chic. Not your attitude.

Overheard at Wucox

Friends of economics major who spent the last ten minutes trying to explain Bitcoin: Is the Ship of Theseus a non-fungible token?

Overheard in dorm

Frustrated friend: Bro, no, I didn't want Mewtwo porn. I wanted porn of girls who look like Mewtwo.

Overheard in Brown

A super Junior discussing Bee Movie: It only works because it’s out there and not possible, but it’d be really weird if it was a dog or something.

Overheard in RoMa

Master manipulator: Each grade I would choose a different personality and make different friends just to see how different scenarios would play out. I remember in third grade I was evil.

Overheard at dinner

Vengeful junior: I think he needs to be circumcised… I mean cauterized…castrated!

Overheard at Terrace

Jazz guitarist: This is why jazz is bullshit.

Overheard on iMessage

Dejected girl, on love Interest: This morning I sent him an article about what happens during a traditional bris but he didn't like that.

Overhead at Roma Soup Station

Fungi enthusiast: Mushroom bisque? Hubba-hubba!

Overheard in East Pyne

German professor: …opening it up to a world of limitless possibility, like I imagine LSD is like. Sadly, though, I can't confirm.