Greetings from Nassville

March 3, 2019


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Overheard in TI

Junior: If you don’t sin, Jesus died for nothing.

Overheard by the fire

Ivy senior: Bicker filters out virgins.

Overheard in a class reading

Fatigued anthropologist: I shall take the universal secondary status of women as a given, and proceed from there.

Overheard in the Edwards

Sophomore Pi Phi: Omg tuna carpacc…? I love tuna carpaccio.

Overheard in Frick

Burned out premed: We would like to offer you a spot to join our biomedical startup. We don't have a product or a plan or an idea or business knowledge, but we think you would be a great fit for our team.

Overheard in Chancellor Green Cafe

Scraggly junior: Structuralism is so hot right now.

Overheard in Tacoria

Freshman boy, on female beauty standards: Thigh gaps are cool.

Overheard in Patton

SWUG: People who don't like cats just don't understand nuance.

Overheard in a car

Younger cousin, reading a sign: I want a kappakukki!!
Older cousin, wise: What? Oh, a cappuccino?

Overheard leaving Frist

Girl on phone: Fuck you if you’re old!

Overheard in the U-Store

Self-assured sophomore: Okay, Ronald Reagan. Smash or pass?

Overhead in ECO 362 precept

Over-enthusiastic sophomore: I'm only doing ORFE for the prestige.

Overheard in Stokes Library while live-streaming the Cohen testimony

Incoming investment banking summer analyst: Do you think Trump is actually gonna get in trouble for this?
Incoming management consulting summer associate: I don't know, but all the markets are down right now.
Incoming investment banking summer analyst: I wish the Trump Organization were public…I'd short the shit out of it.

Overheard in Tower

White male, wearing cardigan: "I didn't realize that the government affected me until the shutdown."

Overheard in Frist

Sophomore Guy 1: I've got to go to the EQuad to work on my EPICs project.
Sophomore Guy 2: Ah what do you read for that, The Odyssey?

Overheard in Frist

Girl discussing a suspected cheater: I just don’t understand how he can lie that well! He’s either a professional or he’s crazy. [beat] And I mean, his favorite movie is Beautiful Mind…