Fall of the Tea Party

December 3, 2016

Prison Politics

Teaching at Garden State Prison the morning after the election.

by Eliot Callon on December 3, 2016

Homecoming, Pinellas County, Florida

Fiction, and a little airport anxiety.

by William Keiser on December 3, 2016

Jewish Wisdom

Love, lust, and etsah in the Orange Bubble.

by Ben Perelmuter, Zach Cohen on December 3, 2016December 13, 2016

The Opera Singer

The story of a birth, and a basket of cheese fries

by Maddy Pauchet on December 3, 2016July 21, 2017

Anna Berghuis

It’s okay, I can’t pronounce it either.

by Anna Berghuis on December 3, 2016

I Was With Her

On Hillary Clinton, after the election.

by Caitlin Quinn on December 3, 2016

There is a tiny man in her hair and he is screaming at me. “Hello there!” He is screaming. “Please remove me from this strand of hair!” He is screaming. “This is a terribly inconvenient place for me to be right now!” He is screaming.

by Kevin Zou on December 3, 2016

Lo and Lana

Re-constructing Lolita with Lana Del Rey

by Gloria Umutoni on December 3, 2016

What Should We Call Her?

Reflections on names, race, and memories.

by Katherine Powell on December 3, 2016December 13, 2016

DEAR AMERICA I WANT TO ASK YOU A QUESTION

I want to go on a road trip through your belly
find dirt along the Ohio River thick with skeletons

by Kirit Limperis on December 3, 2016

Trumpymandius

A poem with some “help” from Percy Shelley

by Harrison Blackman on December 3, 2016July 21, 2017

Verbatim

Overheard on iMessage

Bereft freshman: I’ve literally watched YouTube videos to try to help with pill swallowing techniques.

Overheard at Thanksgiving dinner

13 year old, sarcastically: But global warming is a hoax perpetrated by the Chinese.
Gary Johnson voter: No. It was Al Gore.

Overheard in an Uber

Goldman Sachs analyst: We already fired our affirmative action hire.

Overheard at office hours

Distinguished professor, picking up phone: Hey baby, how you doing?
Female voice on phone, with heavy New York accent: Hey baby, how YOU doing?

Overheard in Frist

After casino night, sophomore girl in front of honey mustard: Really, that’s your guys’ favorite position?
[Later] Same girl, earnestly: Do I have a nice butt to fuck from behind?

Overheard in Rocky

Male student: I just realized that when I tell a female friend i want to have a threesome with her and her boyfriend, what I really mean is I want to fuck her boyfriend.

Overheard on iMessage

Socialite: I cut my coke nails they were affecting my ability to work not that i work

Overheard in Terrace

Female engineer: I did an ab routine yesterday. I was very confused.

Overheard during Thanksgiving

Young man: I want to watch football.
WASPy mother, horrified: No, no. That’s common.

Overheard in Prospect House

Dignified elderly man: The only reason people join politics in Brazil is to get dick.

Overheard in Terrace

Former officer: All my problems will be solved once I get back on Tinder.

Overheard in the Rocky common room

Single freshman: I really need to be fucking somebody with a foot fetish, because all I would need to do is put my foot in their face, get a foot massage, and then I could go to sleep.

Overheard in Witherspoon

Short freshman male: When I do group projects, I always end up being a dominatrix.

Overheard in Rocky dining hall

Female student: The first time I had sex, I didn’t really know what it was. I didn’t realize that there was work involved.

Overheard in Holder

Gymnast: Oh, I thought it was a large flaccid penis, but it’s actually a dog.

Overheard in Butler

Loveless sophomore: I’d love to find a trophy wife and then just not marry her.