Cuffing Season

November 24, 2019


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Overheard in Cuyler

White boy: Elizabeth Warren sucks, but I’ll happily vote for her once Bernie Sanders dies.

Overheard by Firestone

EEB senior, to history senior: Wow, we don't get thesis lockers.... all I got was a bag of raccoon shit.

Overheard in J Street

Friend on frosh going through an existential crisis: Just because she's short doesn't mean she'll be a pediatrician.

Overheard in Clapp

Politically informed girl, watching the debate: You know who was hot? Franklin Pierce.

Overheard at bar in NYC

Former EIC, reflecting: Sometimes I read the stuff I wrote and I’m like... I didn’t write anything crazy but... definitely imperialist!

Overheard outside the architecture building

Cultural Catholic, on his return to the fold: I want my hatred of Protestants to be rooted in theological rigor.

Overheard in writing sem

Professor: If you don't cite your sources properly, you get sent to the D level of Firestone.

Overheard in the Annex

Sympathetic friend, to masochist: You’re not a freak! You just have…interesting tastes.

Overhead on the street

COS boy: None of the SOC classes are funny this year.
Finance bro: Yeah, Poverty in America isn't being offered.

Overheard in Studio 34

Enlightened frosh on discovering Studio 34: I walked around the corner and found this utopia with a mini mart.

Overheard at Cottage

Impassioned junior: It’s literally so rude that JFK told the CIA to kill Marilyn Monroe.

Overheard in Whitman

Exasperated Sophomore: I just get put in classes that are like, “You're gonna learn better if you work with other people.” No! False! I'm gonna get angry if I work with other people!

Overhead setting up Bananagrams

Junior COS major: This might be too much for me.

Overheard in a Philosophy course

Philosophy professor: It's kind of common knowledge that Scientology is absolute garbage.

Overheard outside Olives

Junior, very un-ironically: It's, right?

Overheard in Terrace

Potential managing editor of The Prog: Going into "public service" is either McKinsey, the CIA, or politics — I mean, it's never picking up trash.

Overheard at Wilcox

Prospective religion major frosh: If Jesus is from the Middle East, why does he have a Hispanic name?

Overheard in an off-campus apartment

Junior RCA man, on the phone with waitress at Hunan: Good night, beautiful.