Captain Cook and the Sandwich Islands Encounter

March 30, 2014


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Overheard on St. Patrick’s Day

Instagram caption: Irish car bombs with my preschool teacher!! Life comes full circle

Overheard at Theta chapter

Theta president: We don’t have standards at this chapter. Wait, I mean...

Overheard in Spelman

Girl: You accidentally sent a love poem to your sister?
Boy, defensively: There wasn’t that much sex in it.

Overheard in Frist

Freshman cokehead: I just want to take a year off and do something crazy, like become an hors-piste skier.

Overheard in RoMa

Woody Woo soph: I don’t think Secretary of State is something to aspire towards. The presidency is.

Overheard on Gchat

Ivy senior: imagine if there were a worldwide meningitis outbreak and princeton university had to repopulate the planet...the world would be so much better off.

Overheard in 1901 Hall

Single junior, scrolling through Tinder: Basic. Basic. Basic. Basic.

Overheard in Marie Claire

Shailene Woodley: My only real insecurities in high school were having such long legs and thick hair.

Overheard outside Firestone

Girl on phone: I just wanted someone to talk to—[pause]...about my thesis.

Overheard in Forbes

Southern belle: I realized his silver pattern would have looked horrible with mine—that’s how I got closure.

Overheard in the Nass inbox

Hello, I am working with a local author and she was interested in possibly putting an ad in the princetonian for her book and she was wondering what the costs were as well.
Thank you!

Overheard in Frist

SAE soph, to girl: I have bigger eyes than you. And longer eyelashes. Really, I’m just cuter.

Overheard on Facebook chat

Exasperated Pi Phi junior, on Fashion Speaks: I might fail my midterms but at least 4 girls will be wearing silky halter tops.

Overheard on Facebook chat

Sophomore Terran: He will give you what I call the “econ major TI fuck” which will last a while and leave you satisfied with ABSOLUTELY no emotional fulfillment, but at least you won’t have cum in your mouth.

Overheard on iMessage

Mother, to Ivy son: Please don’t join the 21 club.

Overheard in Forbes

Prince editor: My sophomore year of high school, my English teacher was this hot Mexican dude. He was also dying of cancer. I was like, I could not be more attracted to you.

Overheard in Swahili 107

Philosophical Cottage soph: Jazz has words...?