The model shark suspended above the first floor of Frist recently fell onto the grand piano directly below it, causing a great big crash. “Some parts of the shark were seriously damaged, like its teeth,” said President Tilghman. “Luckily, the damage is not irrevocable; we are already making moves to replace the missing teeth and fix up the paint job.”

Students who witnessed the crash were taken aback. “It made such a loud noise!” said Kathy Graverman, ’12, who was emerging from the C-Store when the shark fell. “Also, since the shark fell on a piano, the noise was double because it hit some of the piano keys too.” When asked what kind of chord the shark made when it hit the piano, Graverman said that she “didn’t know, since I’m not a musician.”

Michael Yates, ’11, admitted that he was secretly pleased that the shark fell down. “I never really liked it anyway,” he admitted.

Experts determined that the shark fell because it was “too heavy.” Said Tim Hollen, a construction expert, “Sharks, especially model sharks, are often too heavy for their environments. This problem causes accidents, including falling sharks.”

The shark, a piece of art, was commissioned by President Tighlman in 2005. “We thought it would be a nice addition to the space between Frist’s first and second floors,” she said. “And also I had the idea that a shark’s skin is the same color, gray, as the walls in Frist. It’s like camouflage, although we all that know sharks, which are predators, don’t need that.” When asked when the shark would return to Frist, she said, “The shark will be hanging again within a week.”

Although the piano, a Yamaha Grand, was seriously damaged, it’s okay because real musicians know Yamahas are shitty pianos, and people only ever played clichéd pieces on it, like Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata.”

Let’s hope no more model sharks are damaged by falling in the near future.