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Category: Humor

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We Should Really, Like, Do A Cleanse

What do Gwyneth Paltrow, my mother, and their doctors have in common?

by Margaret Spencer on February 15, 2015

A Better Course Guide

The Nass’s classes.

by staff on November 14, 2014November 16, 2014

40.36° South 105.3° East

You have walked through FitzRandolph Gate, and you will never graduate. You keep walking until you hit the shore.

by Sophie Parker-Rees on November 8, 2014June 10, 2015

Jewish Wisdom

Dear Aron & Josh, Someone in my frat is making me fast for a week. I really don’t want to drop out of the frat but I don’t know if I can make it a week with just water. Help?

by Aron Wander, Joshua Leifer on October 18, 2014October 19, 2014

Customers Who Bought This

I don’t like it when you use my Amazon account. My recommendations are getting stranger and stranger and I know it’s because of you. You should remember that it tells me which items are bought together—and, honestly, you have some explaining to do.

by Sophie Parker-Rees on July 5, 2014September 28, 2014

What Would Jesus Do at Princeton

Mary is cooking breakfast in an ordinary kitchen in a subdivision with a pool in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. She pauses for a moment when she catches her reflection in the brushed metal surface of the new refrigerator.

by Margaret Spencer on April 26, 2014April 27, 2014

The Nass 100

100 things the staff of the Nassau Weekly doesn’t want to see again next year.

by staff on April 26, 2014July 22, 2017

Solving for Why?

I noticed that Stefan talked quite a bit about balancing things. Before you find an optimal outcome, you must first find if your equation is balanced (or something like that). I pictured Stefan looking into his closet that morning. He selects a pair of jeans and then couples it with a chambray shirt. He knows the jean on jean would create a balanced, uniform look, but is it optimal?

by Hadley Newton on April 19, 2014April 19, 2014

Guidance

Have you ever blindfolded yourself and ran head-on towards oncoming traffic? Or laid down in an empty road at night with Ryan Gosling? If Benjamin Franklin never flew that kite, you would never have even seen that seminal, dangerously romantic film.

by Lily Offit on April 12, 2014April 12, 2014

Capers

A love-hate letter.

by Lily Offit on March 30, 2014March 30, 2014

101 Questions to Ask Eisgruber at Office Hours

What is Cap Love? How can I improve my relationship with my mother? what’s ur dick like? You’re Jewish but your name is Christopher… is that weird for you? Have you ever hooked up with a student? Be honest. Which … Read More

by staff on March 8, 2014March 8, 2018

A Letter from the Icy Club

Do not listen to the rumors. In fact, starting right now, do not listen to anyone. No, not your closest friends. No, not even your mom. Definitely not your mom. Everyone is out to sabotage you. Paranoia is the only way to survive. I might be a saboteur (I’m not). But I might be (again, I’m not). Trust no one (except me).

by Olivia Lloyd on February 15, 2014February 22, 2014


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