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Hey, Big Vape! Make These Flavors Next
New Vape Flavors Vagina Ice Sweaty Ballsack Gelato Razzmatazz Orgy Rush Strawberry Strap-on Delight American Spirit Blue Ice Milk Tyra Banks Better Than Sex Hard Boiled Egg Ice Carbonara Lemonade Black Mold Blue Cheese Smoke Chromium Alloy Poop Charisma Uniqueness Nerve Talent Lost Cherry by Tom Ford Lime Pussy Juice Chips Candy Eric Cartman Kush…
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Letter to a Professor (From a Disgruntled Parent-Donor)
Dear Lecherous Lecturer Precious Professor, Happy winter. I heard you’re in Vail? Hope the slopes are not destroying your knees. I’m reeling from the news that you gave a D to my son Robert “Torie” George Junior (I abstain from putting pronouns, because obviously). I know that Torie always speaks his mind, his heartfelt opinions.…
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Nass Lists: Primal Urges During My Seminar
We all know the feeling: you’re sitting in your seminar when suddenly you’re overcome by an all-consuming desire to… Crack open my ballpoint pen and drink the ink like it’s a flask Drink a bottle of water like it’s filled with vodka and cause a whole scene for nothing Hit my vape Pull out a…
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things i could remember
blue cheese root beer jukeboxes servals william howard taft blue footed boobies whale sharks hash slinging slasher triple trapeze john wayne gacy the movie baby geniuses 2015 four loko gold crossfit delta 8 ipod nano (on which I once watched the movie baby geniuses) meat lovers pizza roller skating suspenders my aunt’s birthday squid the…
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![The Definitive List of Who (or What [or Even Where]) is Mother](https://nassauweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Mother_Artwork_Chas-scaled.jpg)
The Definitive List of Who (or What [or Even Where]) is Mother
Chloë Sevigny Liza Minelli Parker Posey Email Charles Grodin My actual mom’s instagram Red shoes Pirating movies Saugerties, NY Arby’s Laura Palmer Tim Heidecker This one shirt I have Ampersands The number 28 Apple music (you heard me) Philip Roth CeraVe facial cleanser A ref at a lacrosse game I played in who looked exactly…
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70 of Princeton’s Next Big Construction Projects: A Nass List
PRINCETON BUILDS: A doomsday bunker, an embassy for Bumble ambassadors, a cold brew river, and 67 other projects.
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THE PHILOSOPHICAL FIVE (my very objective opinion on the best and worst philosophers of all time)
“Also known as the father of all philosophy (daddy?) Socrates is the original playboy. Everyone, and I mean everyone, fangirls over him.”
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Hundreds Humbled by the First Year Move-in Experience
A satirical take on the chaos that was this year’s freshmen move-in.
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A Cup Can Be a Bowl: Lessons from Outdoor Action
A curated list of hard-earned life lessons from one writer’s OA excursion.