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101 Questions to Ask Eisgruber at Office Hours
What is Cap Love? How can I improve my relationship with my mother? what’s ur dick like? You’re Jewish but your name is Christopher… is that weird for you? Have you ever hooked up with a student? Be honest. Which one(s)? Are you circumcised? Is your wife circumcised? Can you use the word “titillate” in…
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121 Reasons Why I Have to Attend a Different Precept
Can’t listen to the kid next to me clear his throat again.
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Nass 100
100 things the staff of the Nass doesn’t want to see again next year: So much self-loathing staring back out of the mirror My love handles My puffy cheeks My cankles Food My third nipple Uncircumcised penises Uncircumcised vaginas The way Shirley Tilghman blushes when I brush her hair behind her ear The way Shirley…
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100 Things to Do Before Coming to Princeton
One million push-ups. Read every book ever. Join a frat. Build a fort. Get a bold new haircut. Set fire to the rain. Lose 15-60 pounds. Lose appendix. Lose virginity. Make love. Make two people cry in one night. Show every naysayer your acceptance letter. Firmly solidify self-worth. Prepare to be demoralized. Get circumcised. Visit your…
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Jeremiah Was a Prophet
Jeremiah (“The Weeping Prophet”) is famous for prophesying the destruction of Jerusalem and the exile of the Jews. In the Hebrew Bible, God called to Jeremiah in 626 BC and said that the Jewish people had forsaken him by worshiping false idols. God instructed Jeremiah to proclaim that unless they repented, the Israelites would be…
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Kanye West’s Top 120 Baby Names
1. Mistake 2. Hieronymus 3. Magical Negro 4. Doubletree 5. Krampus 6. North by North 7. Glass Spanish 8. CRIME 9. Susanorlean Orchid 10. Sheikh
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WPRB Top 30 Charts
1. Toro y Moi Anything in Return Carpark 2. Bibi Tanga and the Selenites 40 Degrees of Sunshine Nat Geo 3. Paint Fumes Uck Life Slovenly
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100 Better Ways To Spend The $75,000 Now Being Spent By The USG On Their Signature Orange & Black Ball:
(Which Three-Hour Ball Consists Of Gymnasium Drunkenness, Middling Food, And Middling Music)
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