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Byline: Samuel Bollen

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How to Write a Pitchfork Album Review

Listen to two or three of the songs off of the album. Pick them from different sections, so it seems like you listened to the whole thing. Also, don’t call them songs. Call them “tracks” or (even better) “cuts” instead.

by Samuel Bollen on September 26, 2016October 2, 2016

Liking Love

The first few episodes feature some pretty conventional plot devices, but the characterization and dialogue have a loose, awkward, and very human quality to them.

by Samuel Bollen on March 6, 2016October 2, 2016

The Ghost Sex

Reliving what could have been.

by Samuel Bollen on October 12, 2015October 12, 2015

A Not-Sonnet

Chamomile tea gets me off More than getting me off does See also: girls laughing at my jokes & 90s video games   Can we go back to your place? Sure, but only if you’re down To smoke dope & … Read More

by Samuel Bollen on February 28, 2016February 28, 2016

Slapstick

The toy’s full name was Slapstick: An Authentic Comedy Toy for the Whole Family!TM, Slapstick himself being a kind of flesh-colored kidney-bean-shaped almost-humanoid character with googly eyeballs and kind of oozy chunky rubbery skin (which was in fact made of … Read More

by Samuel Bollen on August 11, 2016

The Myth of the Reclusive Writer

In Rich Homie Quan’s 2013 classic, “Type of Way,” he joins a three thousand-year tradition of literary recluses in a single rhyming couplet: “I got a hide away, and I go there sometimes, to give my mind a break/ I find a way, to still get through the struggle, what I’m tryna say.”

by Samuel Bollen on November 14, 2015November 16, 2015

msg 2 my ghost

ghost,

im chasing u round the attic. u lead me round my attic, over chintzy 50s carpet, circumnavigating staircase well b/c u r scared 4 me—wild ghost chase? but there r many floors & rooms here & our friends r at a party in the next room…

by Samuel Bollen on August 11, 2015August 11, 2015

Interview with Lester, Functional Humanoid

She looked at me and turned her thingie off. And said typical. And then turned over and kept vibrating.

by Samuel Bollen on April 16, 2016October 2, 2016

Country Shit with Granddad

When I was seventeen I went duck hunting on a lake in the backwoods of Tennessee with my grandfather and uncle.

by Samuel Bollen on December 6, 2015December 6, 2015

Manscaping

Before my senior year of high school, I had relegated the concept of manscaping to metrosexual metropolises like New York and Los Angeles.

by Samuel Bollen on March 7, 2015

Give a Glimpse of What Yer Not

Their new album, Give a Glimpse of What Yer Not, doesn’t reinvent the band’s sound; however, it does contain some of their best work. This is a natural extension of a long career, not just a cute or tired continuation of it.

by Samuel Bollen on August 30, 2016October 2, 2016

Lester in Love

I: For a neurotic weenie you sure seem to be a man of action.
L: Yeah, well sometimes.

by Samuel Bollen on April 24, 2016October 2, 2016


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