Dear Wise Wendy,

I’m having trouble getting anything done for class now that it’s nice outside. Any suggestions as we move into finals?

From,

Procrastinator

Dear Procrastinator,

Of course I have suggestio

Dear Wise Wendy,

How do I get over my fear of public speaking? I’m supposed to deliver a speech to my parents about why I don’t like to be tied to the post of my bed when they leave the house, and unless it’s convincing I think I’m here to stay.

From,

I can hardly type, I’m so tied up

Dear I,

I would look into beta blockers to slow your heart rate down. Just be sure to try one out before your speech so that you can note any adverse side effects. Also, that sounds like a really weird situation to be in… are you sure I didn’t just make up this question?

Dear Wise Wendy,

Who bought these fuckin’ T.V.’s and jewelry bitch, tell me that?

From,

Luda

Dear Ludacris,

Word of advice from an advice columnist: if you’re seeking help from someone who writes for a student publication, avoid calling her a “bitch.” She’s much more likely to help you out that way. Although I am bothered by the phrasing of your question, I am willing to offer my advice all the same because I am built to be helpful and wonderful like a helpful and wonderful robot. Your mother bought you all of those television sets and your wife bought you that jewelry, so show some respect to the women around you.

Dear Wise Wendy,

Should I go by William, or Will?

From,

Richie Rich

Dear Richie,

Why are those the only two options? There are much better ones that I could think of for a good woman like you. Off the top of my head: Vanessa Car-will-ton, James Van Der Will, Will.I.Am, Good Will Hunting, Will you come with me to Williamsburg?, Where there’s a Will there’s a way, Where there’s a Will there’s a weigh, These flowers are Willting, the Will is by its nature so free that it can never be constrained, Will Smith, Willson College, I think I’m close to dying has anyone seen my Will?, That guy shouldn’t be allowed to have his Willie hanging out like that in public also Oh my God look he’s a eunuch, Free Willy, I Will have my homework sent to you by five Mr. Vargas and would you like to further discuss the assignment over naked coffee at your house just a suggestion, It’s very hot out be sure to refWill your water bottle, Willaby, Willbur the pig, I am Willing if you are Willing, TWill, Ow-Will and Wowl.

Dear Wise Wendy,

Is it okay for a guy to have long nails?

From,

A Boy with Long Nails

Dear A,

No, unless they’re coming out of your nose or ears in which case obviously yes.