Nassau Weekly

Frazzled student: Sorry for being late, I just had the most wonderful conversation with a Kazakh woman.

Crazed chick: I’m literally going to convert to Judaism.

Enabler: You called down rains from Adonai.

Student telling a story: …so I never ate anything bad in my childhood…

Another student interrupting: Like paint?

Member of the LGBTQ+ Community: I think a gay man and a straight woman can have sex and be in a normal marriage.

Barista: Large false dichotomy on the bar.

Bored 20-something dude: Wanna cop a ludicrous felony and attack the electrical grid?

Guy on coffee date: I think SOC is really easy.

Girl on coffee date: *nods*

Guy on coffee date: I don’t even know what SOC is.

Stereotypical SPIA major: I interned at McKinsey this summer.

Her coffee date: Oh, does one of your parents work there?

SPIA major: No, my dad’s a client.

Coffee date: A big client?

SPIA major: Yeah, like a really big client.

Tech bro: Well, uh, my moral compass is ChatGPT, so I’m not sure I’m on board with that.

Christian, balking at the idea of an 8:30 AM lecture: Literally the only thing I would wake up for at 7:30 AM is the Second Coming of Christ.