Consulting interviewer: Are you vegetarian? Fretful candidate: Inaudible response Consulting interviewer: Oh yeah, that speaks volumes then.

Has beautiful, luscious locks: I am going to go get my wig from the car now.

Billionaire alumnus: I’ve gotta be sparing with my business cards. My wife does sustainability and she says I can’t print any more of them.

Math Major in the Midst of a Game of Codenames: Is pie cylindrical? Astro Major: Have you ever *seen* a pie?

Abuser of narrative: You’d be shocked to hear this — I rarely have dreams about murdering people.

Slavic major: You need to fit the organs somewhere here.

Loving firefighter: I don’t think it would be good for you to consider this flame.

A smiling ball of black stares back at me.

And then it closed.

the vegetarian option was mushrooms.

But when she turned to pet him, her hand brushed against a thousand tiny legs scuttling away into the shadows, leaving her utterly alone.

He failed to become an enormous insect.