Legal adult: I thought it was giggly.

Angsty and topical: I would hook up with a ghost. You could see through their bullshit.

Anti-breakfast date: No one feels romantic before noon.

Prego©-matist: I want a sauce-focused pizza.

Fabulous frosh: I’ve been told my hair is half my aura.

Grad student who’s too into Tinder: You should always be with the one you’re eye-fucking.

Softie, drenched in their own spit: I can’t believe he actually thought I was crying in the corner and never apologized and on top of that made fun of my country’s potassium production.

Renaissance man, lover of women, loved by many, feared by few, appreciated by all, hunk: A woman is like a bathtub. Drip, drip, splash.

Silver-liner: People in the cemetery don’t annoy you. Cuz they’re dead.

Follows their own religion: I think the dinosaurs are waiting for us in the afterlife

Ex-communist: The way of making it in the Soviet Union was better. American beauty: I hear that like seventy times a day. Ex-communist: In the Soviet Union, we’re not rude to each other.

BMX-er: I think you have a future in degenerate gambling.