Beautiful girlfriend: I thought you liked me for my personality.
Realistic boyfriend: It’s okay.


Dear reader, Some say that we’re facing an “attention crisis,” with social media algorithms destroying Gen Z’s focus. Well screw that. I’m already bored.The educated older generation, unable to accept their own inability to regulate big tech, have perverted the valid fear of attention-fracking into a conversation that too readily falls into cultural paranoia. We’re…

Check out a copy of the issue around campus, or see the full design below!

“When she closes her eyes, the sun remains a white spot in her vision, and she can romanticize the eye damage.”

H.R.1, known by many as Trump’s “One Big, Beautiful Bill,” promised higher taxes on college endowments and has pushed private universities like Princeton to cut budgets this fall. But looking beyond the university, some of the bill’s greatest impacts will be felt by New Jersey’s public education system.

“He reached out again to the metal, which seemed to bend out towards him too, its soft surface embracing his hand once more. The chain rang out again in the cold, cutting wind, which swirled around him.”

“Behind my chest-thumping bravado and my snarling, reactive solipsism, it was apparent that I had reached a nadir: consumed by my own suffering and all of my ineffectual attempts to ‘better’ myself, I had begun to lose fundamental parts of myself.”



The Nassau Weekly got schooled on free will, so we’re feeling…conscious. Aware. Does the footnote section get to have an opinion on free will? Oh, I’m hearing that we don’t. Oh well.

Tired, exhausted, spent. Atlas fails, his shoulders relax, the mighty stone slips, and goes tumbling. It scratches the land, denting the mountains, before crashing into western sea. He stands there trembling, covering his head. – He waits a day. But the sky isn’t falling. Liars! he sneers, stretching his ruined…



“She imagined the dalmatian loved humans more than he loved dogs. She imagined him to be obsessed with fetch, to be the sort of dog who’d pause dinnertime to pick up a tennis ball. She imagined him to be sweet, to love scratches behind the ear and to snore when he slept.”
Beautiful girlfriend: I thought you liked me for my personality.
Realistic boyfriend: It’s okay.