California Jew, to white male: You gotta go get some cracker pussy!
Southern belle: [looks shocked]
California Jew, to belle: What, did that offend you?
Southern belle (horrified): We’re at a country club!
Overheard in the South
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24/7 discount luxury accessible merchandise platform for better empowerment: Full Design
Check out a copy of the issue around campus, or see the full design below!
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Vignette on Lychees
“When she closes her eyes, the sun remains a white spot in her vision, and she can romanticize the eye damage.”
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H.R.1.’s Local Impact: Beyond Higher Ed
H.R.1, known by many as Trump’s “One Big, Beautiful Bill,” promised higher taxes on college endowments and has pushed private universities like Princeton to cut budgets this fall. But looking beyond the university, some of the bill’s greatest impacts will be felt by New Jersey’s public education system.
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Submarine Story
“He reached out again to the metal, which seemed to bend out towards him too, its soft surface embracing his hand once more. The chain rang out again in the cold, cutting wind, which swirled around him.”
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Narrativization
“Behind my chest-thumping bravado and my snarling, reactive solipsism, it was apparent that I had reached a nadir: consumed by my own suffering and all of my ineffectual attempts to ‘better’ myself, I had begun to lose fundamental parts of myself.”
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Free Will?
The Nassau Weekly got schooled on free will, so we’re feeling…conscious. Aware. Does the footnote section get to have an opinion on free will? Oh, I’m hearing that we don’t. Oh well.
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Atlas
Tired, exhausted, spent. Atlas fails, his shoulders relax, the mighty stone slips, and goes tumbling. It scratches the land, denting the mountains, before crashing into western sea. He stands there trembling, covering his head. – He waits a day. But the sky isn’t falling. Liars! he sneers, stretching his ruined…
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Pecan Pie Latte
Students review Sakrid Coffee Roaster’s curious Pecan Pie Latte: Delectable or disgusting?
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Threefold Repetition Doesn’t Hold, Not Even A Stalemate
“The longest recorded chess match was two hundred and sixty-nine moves, over twenty hours. Mine has drawn on for three fraught years now, and it still persists.”