MONOLOGUE FOR A NERVOUS GIRL IN A WHITE BIRTHDAY CAKE DRESS AND SHINY LEATHER PUMPS

(A deep breath and then go)

Okay so this one time I was eating dinner with a friend at a food center in Singapore and we were talking about our usual high-falutin’ topics in the tropics like shopping and art and the meaning of life when all of a sudden we saw this white potbellied middle-aged man with a young Asian woman in a birthday cake dress you know like one those big puffy white dresses you would wear when you were nine and she had this big pink necklace around her neck and her hair was done in a long, thick plait down her back and I thought oh my god, does she actually think she looks cute? Or no, wait, did this potbellied white middle-aged man actually lead her to believe she looked cute? Did he dress her like that? Did he deceive this girl who must have come from some poor bumfuck backward country that what he was giving her to wear was nice? So there she was sitting there like some strange withered doll-child that wasn’t supposed to have happened with this straggly-haired stubbled drunk red-faced cliché of a worn-out Vietnam vet. And when she asked could she please have some coconut juice, he said no, firmly like to a little child and she looked really sad but he just ignored her and continued drinking his beer and when he was done they got up they held hands and walked on home and we didn’t know what to do like was that love or abuse? In our righteous anger we wondered if we should call a shelter but anyway I forgot about all this until I talked to my friend again recently and she reminded me about it so actually this isn’t really my memory. (A breath) Just the other day my boyfriend called me and said hey remember this kid who went to college with us he’s here in Singapore now working as a lecturer at a tertiary institute and he goes around bragging that he has a Thai hairdresser girlfriend who lets him fuck her in the ass. I am trying to be liberal and all that so it’s not the fuck her in the ass part I have an issue with it’s the Thai hairdresser part and how her sole talent seems to be her anal fuckability. I don’t know why this kid went to college at all especially an Ivy League college I mean what a waste of resources that could have been diverted to Thailand to build a school or something. (A breath) Ok but now I have a confession to make it’s a really big stinking dirty confession and I hope you won’t despise me for it. Uhm uhm uhm okay here goes uhm I have a thing for Japanese cartoon porn. No I really do no please don’t laugh at me yes I like to look at Japanese cartoon porn with those little schoolgirls who secretly want to be raped and those dicks squirting cum in their faces. Ok that last part actually does make me sick but part of me is like oh my and I have to go touch myself. (Small pause) Also while surfing porn recently I found an online forum where white women discussed wanting to sleep with black men and wrote elaborate erotic fantasies about being whisked away from their boring ass husbands and having hot and naughty love affairs with those giant black dicks in the Bahamas. Of course someone has to raise the question of racism and of course angry and defensive responses crop up saying, hey, these fantasies are legitimate. Personally I don’t agree with that but I’m not going to police anyone’s dream sex life and anyway here I am buying into cutesy Japanese schoolgirl porn that says hey yes we really want it, please, put it in my mouth.

ELEPHANT

Once upon a time, there was an elephant who lived in the jungle. He drank from the streams and fed on the tall trees around him, and he was happy. Then one day, the elephant was crossing a road when suddenly he was hit by a car. When he woke up, he found himself in a cage where many people looked in at him from time to time, made strange noises, then went on their way. He had lost his memory because of the accident, so he could not remember where he had come from. All he knew was that the water he drank was dark brown and the leaves he ate from the ground were old and dusty. And there was nothing to do but walk in circles in his tiny cage. From this point onwards the elephant’s fate might have taken the following turns: The elephant, neurotic and frustrated in captivity, attacks and kills his zookeeper and escapes. He runs as fast as he can as the other keepers chase after him, but he has no idea where he is headed because he has lost his memory. The keepers catch him soon after and either break his spirit or kill him. A female elephant arrives one day in his cage. Even though she may not be what he considers attractive, she is female, and they mate and have a baby elephant that pleases the zoo greatly because they have contributed to elephant conservation. The live in the zoo forever, happily ever after. The elephant is trained to do fun tricks like standing on a beach ball and putting a hat on its head. He learns fast and becomes the star performer at the zoo’s daily show. He also learns to walk more slowly so people can ride on his back, so he can walk in much bigger circles than the ones he made in his cage. After consistent good performance, he is upgraded from a cage to an open enclosure, where there are no bars but only natural barriers, like ditches, to keep him from escaping. He also can mingle with other elephants, and he meets a female elephant, they mate, and they have a baby elephant that pleases the zoo greatly because they have contributed to elephant conservation. The elephant is an ideal elephant and the zoo is very proud of him. And having lost his memory, he thinks that he is happy. Questions to consider and discuss after reading: Which of the above do you feel is a happy ending? Why or why not? Is there any way for the elephant to get out of the zoo? Might the car driver have done something to help the elephant? Even if the elephant had not lost his memory, would he have been able to find the jungle again? What if the jungle were no longer there? What would he do then?