because regular coffee makes me terribly anxious
and I must avoid it at all costs;
But then I felt embarrassed when the barista shouted
“decaf Americano”
because who comes to Small World and drinks decaf
because this place is a celebration of caffeine addiction
because it’s too obvious that I’m only here to consume
the vibes;
Anyway
one man is wearing a crimson cap with an R on it
and another man is wearing a maroon cap with a P on it
and a third man just asked me
to keep an eye on his things
so I asked to borrow his laptop charger
and this is the café barter system;
A woman in shiny white boots is spinning on her heels
as she scans for a table to eat her bagel
to no avail;
I must confess
I have been sitting at this corner table for two whole hours
writing my Senior Thesis™
but I was just pretending
so naturally nothing was written
so I have disappointed myself
so I am writing this instead;
I bet
if I hadn’t opted wimpishly for decaf coffee
and had imbibed instead a potent dose of caffeine
then it would have ignited some manic ingenuity
and right now magic words would be streaming
from my neurons to my google drive
and a glorious Senior Thesis™ would materialize
and nevermind the inevitable side effects of that caffeine
nevermind the gripping I would feel in my chest
nevermind that familiar sense of impending doom
nevermind the dread that would swallow me in the afternoon
because at least
with caffeine
I would have made some progress on my Senior Thesis™
and aren’t I supposed to think that is
exceedingly
important;
Anyway
some of these people look happy and well-adjusted and isn’t that nice;
The woman across the room
is demolishing a glazed pastry
and the lenses of her glasses glow lilac
in the glare of her laptop screen
and now she is typing in a hurry
and she is being very productive
and she is not the kind of person
who would order decaf in Small World when there is work to be done
is she.