1.

Let’s hope there’s no blue dress (and if there is, that Kerry at least has better taste than Clinton).

John Kerry is accused of having an affair with an intern working in his campaign office. Both News Editor Izzie Lerer and the Nassau Weekly deny the allegations.

2.

Now that’s a man with conviction – just what we need.

Howard Dean says he will drop out of the presidential race after the Wisconsin Primary if he does not win. Then he repeals the statement. Then he says he is undecided.

3.

Maybe his records are with the weapons of mass destruction.

President George W. Bush claims to have served in the National Guard in Alabama during the Vietnam War. Records cannot be located and other National Guard members do not recall him being there.

4.

Time to go back into hiding – and take Scalia with you.

Vice President Dick Cheney came out of hiding to go duck hunting with Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia in Louisiana earlier this month. Legal ethicists questioned the timing of this trip, arguing that Scalia would be unable to impartially judge the case about Cheney’s handling of the administration’s energy task force.

5.

Senator Kerry, get caller ID immediately. If it reads “Gore, Al,” pick up under no circumstances.

Former Vice President Al Gore endorses Howard Dean’s campaign. Dean, upon receiving Gore’s endorsement, drops precipitously in the polls.

6.

I bet he lights ‘em by rubbing two twigs together…just like Conan!

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger turns a public park into a smoking area so that he can smoke cigars with his friends during lunch breaks.

7.

What’s the point? Aren’t all the freaks who like NASCAR voting for Bush anyway?

President George Bush campaigns at the Daytona 500 auto race on February 15th.

8.

And I really thought this was the year for a black female president. I mean, didn’t we all?

Former senator Carol Moseley Braun withdraws from the Democratic Presidential race before the New Hampshire primary.

9.

I know, let\’s give the dealer immunity. Gotta love the Republican Senate!

Twelve people are murdered by the D.C. snipers. Fifty-two other violent crimes are committed with guns all from the same dealer\’s shop.

10.

Hey, at least it wasn’t Michael. The open shirt in the “Black or White” video was bad enough.

Janet Jackson’s right breast is exposed during the Super Bowl Halftime show. CBS claims to have had no knowledge that this was a part of the act. Oh wait, that wasn’t political.