The Septumber Issue

September 25, 2022

The Septumber Issue: Full Design

In the first issue of the semester, the Nass investigates sectoral bargaining, keeps a promise to a demon, and travels into the heart of Ireland’s magic.


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Overheard in dorm

History major: “I feel so empowered and excited to do research through Firestone. Have you heard of the Hitler collection?”

Overheard at home

Offspring: “Oh, mom, what would we do without you?”

Mom: “Just remember everything I’ve always told you, and you’ll be fine.”

Overheard on Nassau Street

African American Studies concentrator: “I actually think there are a lot of moments in Toni Morrison’s Beloved that could be a Family Guy cutaway scene.”

Overheard at Terrace brunch

Jewish man discussing prosciutto: “I don't eat any pig product unless it’s above a certain price.”

Overheard while doing collage art

Senior history-major collage artíste: “Okay, I’m now making a murder-mystery-themed one.”

Overheard in GEO lecture

Curious Color Skeptic: “Am I crazy or is that orb actually orange?”

Offended neighbor: “Bro, I'm color blind.”

Overheard in dorm

Suspicious junior: “Do you often moan when you shit?”

Overheard in COS lecture

Professor: "I think there's a technical term for it, but let's just call it nonsense!”

Overheard at Terrace

Man resigned to his fate: "Why would I care about grades? I'm an English major. It's not like I'm going to make any money."

Overheard in Spelman

One friend to another on Eisgruberian trauma: “How would you feel if the president of this institution treated you like a human being? You would feel lonely.”

Overheard at dinner

STEM slut: “Why would I want a tutor if I can't seduce them?”

Overheard in Small World

5’ 8” man: “I'm standing up to my mortal enemy.”

Bold but tiny friend: “Height?”

Overheard on a walk

Future philosophy major: “Rights are expensive.”

Overheard via the Gram

MCU Hater: “Please tell me that they're not making an Eternals 2.”

Overheard via text

UChicago graduate: “One of my clients is a gun manufacturer, I shit you not.”

UChicago graduate: “Wait, do we have any friends making more than $472K?”

Princeton student: “Excuse me?”