Greetings from Nassville

March 3, 2019

Emo Rap: A Eulogy

“Lil Peep’s ghostly vocals float drowsily over maximalist emo-trap beats without drowning in them…leaving us with a taste of what might have been: the soaring emotional heights to which rap, the most notoriously heartless genre, almost rose.”

by Pat Macdonald on March 3, 2019April 7, 2019

The Walk of Lame

“Those vodka shots wore off real quick– / A few more would have done the trick. / You’re freezing, and a little sad… / How many years left until grad?”

by Juju Lane on March 3, 2019March 2, 2019

Jump Shot

“The static cleared and the broadcast resumed. But I didn’t see the game. I didn’t see the court or the players or the ball. The screen was filled with a close-up of Larry Bird’s face.”

by Max Feldman on March 3, 2019March 2, 2019

The Movement Towards Endings

“This isn’t to say that an ending has no value, for where the author leaves us at the end is always strategic and therefore important to
think about. However, we have grown too attached to endings.”

by Mia Salas on March 3, 2019March 5, 2019

The Problem with Calling Something “Aesthetic”

“We have not only altered, or broadened, the meaning of “aesthetic”…we have completely robbed it of its essence, of nearly all its value, in our present usage.”

by Gabriel E. Lipkowitz on March 3, 2019March 2, 2019

Bramble Cay Melomys

“We can’t see all the bees dying, we can’t see deforestation, we can’t see shrinking crop yields, most of us cannot even see the ravaged coastline cities of Bangladesh. The climate apocalypse is here, it just isn’t in New Canaan Connecticut yet.”

by Joshua Judd Porter on March 3, 2019March 2, 2019

Verbatim

Overheard in TI

Junior: If you don’t sin, Jesus died for nothing.

Overheard by the fire

Ivy senior: Bicker filters out virgins.

Overheard in a class reading

Fatigued anthropologist: I shall take the universal secondary status of women as a given, and proceed from there.

Overheard in the Edwards

Sophomore Pi Phi: Omg tuna carpacc…? I love tuna carpaccio.

Overheard in Frick

Burned out premed: We would like to offer you a spot to join our biomedical startup. We don't have a product or a plan or an idea or business knowledge, but we think you would be a great fit for our team.

Overheard in Chancellor Green Cafe

Scraggly junior: Structuralism is so hot right now.

Overheard in Tacoria

Freshman boy, on female beauty standards: Thigh gaps are cool.

Overheard in Patton

SWUG: People who don't like cats just don't understand nuance.

Overheard in a car

Younger cousin, reading a sign: I want a kappakukki!!
Older cousin, wise: What? Oh, a cappuccino?

Overheard leaving Frist

Girl on phone: Fuck you if you’re old!

Overheard in the U-Store

Self-assured sophomore: Okay, Ronald Reagan. Smash or pass?

Overhead in ECO 362 precept

Over-enthusiastic sophomore: I'm only doing ORFE for the prestige.

Overheard in Stokes Library while live-streaming the Cohen testimony

Incoming investment banking summer analyst: Do you think Trump is actually gonna get in trouble for this?
Incoming management consulting summer associate: I don't know, but all the markets are down right now.
Incoming investment banking summer analyst: I wish the Trump Organization were public…I'd short the shit out of it.