I used to hate scary movies because choosing to be terrified for two hours straight just seemed stupid to me. I mean, I’ve always loved Halloween because dressing up and getting candy is always a win in my book. As I got older, though, I realized real life is scary too. And being scared about fake things, like immortal serial killers or blaspheming child-demons, is way more enjoyable than being scared about real things, like money and my place in this world. And at least, I have a choice in it. So now, I watch scary movies all year long, alone in my room, intermittently slamming my computer shut when it gets too scary.
They’re even better in theaters. There’s nothing like sitting in a reclining seat, eating $16 popcorn, and getting the shit scared out of me. The movie theater at 3:15pm on a Tuesday (when the tickets are discounted), surrounded by strangers who are also covering their eyes as the ominous music pumps in from the speakers, is my happy place. I’m a sucker for anything that falls under that umbrella of “scary movies”: big classic horror genres like bloody slashers and shaky found-footage films, but also any movies with a mix of comedy or mystery that still can make me jump. Each one, in its own special, horrifying way, provides a hit of contained fear that takes me out of my mind and right in there.
I’ll start with the slow-paced, character-driven horror movies of the 1970s. I saw The Exorcist (director’s cut, 1973) with a friend I was trying to impress. I thought, “This one is a classic, it will really show off how amazing the horror genre can be.” Unfortunately for me, The Exorcist is so hard to sit through, especially with the added 10 minutes cut from the theatrical release tacked on. After an unhurried, simmering beginning, the movie gets crazy. I tried to play it cool, but when the demon turned the little girl’s head all the way around on her neck, I did scream. Also, there’s a lot of disgusting insults from the demon who spews green bile from a child’s mouth and calls her mother a whore. So there I was, watching a crucifix being desecrated, trying to pretend like this movie was a normal thing to see the literal first time you hang out with someone. My friend, whom I spent half of the movie watching out of the corner of my eye, just sat there silently. While I don’t think I made a new friend that night, I can still see those slow, foggy shots and the jumpscare frames of the demon’s pale white face when I try to fall asleep.
The original Halloween (1978), the same period and genre as The Exorcist, shows that a slow start can lead to something good. The best, even. The glacial pace really lets the tension build up. It is pure slasher: no fourth wall breaks, no aliens, no giant women, and no body horror. Just a man who kills and can’t be killed. The camera work, score, and Micheal Myers’ mask are a study in creating paranoia. His uncanny valley-like face seemed to always be waiting right around the corner, just outside of frame, waiting for a young, hot Jamie Lee Curtis to let her guard down. Halloween is like if every time you felt like someone was watching you, someone was and they were gonna get you as soon as you turned your back. The movie is only 90 minutes long, but waiting for Michael Myers to crash through a window, I felt suspended in time. Every time I go to the movies, I’m chasing that feeling.
Scream (1996) was made to satirize the horror style of the 70s, but it ended up making something new and noteworthy in its own right. Today, Scream is seen as the revival of the horror genre as a whole. And, to me, the movie is legitimately perfect. I’ve watched it multiple times, and anytime it’s shown in theaters, I’m so there. The jumpscares actually work, even in the context of corny jokes and the outdated technology. Sure, I would never stay on the phone with an unknown caller telling me he can see me through my window, but watching Drew Barrymore try to reason with Ghostface and run for her life is still not an easy watch. I love the characters and the meta jokes about the horror genre because they weren’t played out by this point. Around Scream 3 or 4, it gets a little hazy and the whole “this is real life, not a movie” while in a movie thing gets old. But this first, pure iteration of the franchise, with all of its blood and twists and lip-filler free Courteney Cox holds a special place in my heart.
The best scare of this scary movie journey, however, came when I saw Nope (2022). Unlike the slow start of The Exorcist, this movie was genuinely terrifying from the beginning title card with a creepy Bible verse on it. I had tagged along to see this movie with one of those freshman year friend groups, so the guy I was sitting next to was, at most, the friend of a friend. Yet about halfway through, the movie–which is based around a UFO-like organism that swallows up horses and people for lunch– had me clinging onto the shirt of this guy. The scene is not even central to the plot. The main monster is nowhere to be found. It’s just three kids that play a prank on the main character and dress up as aliens to scare him in his barn, slinking down from the ceiling and sneaking around a corner as he tries to record them. Writing this now, I don’t think the scene was meant to be that important. But I could not even watch the clip of it while writing because it freaks me out so much. There are hissing noises in the background that make my skin crawl and haunt me even now. Honestly, I can’t even be embarrassed about almost climbing into the lap of this dude I barely know.
Two of the most recent scary movies I’ve seen have been Love Lies Bleeding (2024) and The Substance (2024). One genre of horror movies that took a lot of getting used to was body horror. While I enjoy scares that I know are fake or that I know could never get me personally (i.e. Midsommar; I’m not going anywhere near a Swedish cult that burns people alive), something about a messed up human body just makes me a little sick. Not sick enough to not get my popcorn and soda and watch the movie, but still. In Love Lies Bleeding, there is a perfect balance of genuine romance and plot, and just crazy body horror that made me viscerally uncomfortable. The main characters, a lesbian gym manager and her bodybuilder girlfriend, have an equally tender and intense relationship which made me believe that would go as far as killing for one another. In fact, they actually do go as far as killing. Lou, Kristen Stewart’s character, beats the shit out of her abusive brother-in-law, and the crunch of his bones breaking still rings in my ears. Her lover, Jackie, takes so many steroids that she becomes a giant monster and crushes Lou’s abusive father in her hands. The sound of his shoulder dislocating made me plug my ears and squeak. However, throughout all that violence, Lou and Jackie stare lovingly into each other’s eyes, and Kristen Stewart does her best mouth-acting to date. So worth it.
The Substance almost made me throw up. I actually swallowed down vomit towards the end of this movie. It was awesome. I think this might be one of the best examples of how scary movies let me be afraid in a contained space. The main character (or I guess, one half of her) hates herself so much. Demi Moore plays Elisabeth Sparkle, an aerobics instructor who is losing her TV show because she’s older and not as hot as she used to be. Elisabeth takes the titular substance, a highlighter yellow liquid in a syringe, and a sexy, perky Margaret Qualley crawls her way out of her back. Sue, Qualley’s character, literally just gets to be hot and young for the seven days she is allotted. The main point of the movie is that Elisabeth and Sue are the same person and cannot live their own lives without the other. But Sue wants to stay hot and young! The way the movie is shot, I can’t blame her. She gets love and attention while Elisabeth withers away in her apartment. At the climax of the movie, Sue kills Elisabeth in a long and violent sequence where she smashes her face into a mirror and then, quite literally, kicks her to death. It’s bloody and loud and disgusting, but it’s real, too. While Demi Moore, who’s hot and rich, hating herself so much does not exactly map onto my personal experience, the movie felt cathartic nonetheless. It’s much easier to be sick to my stomach for twenty minutes about what I’m seeing on screen than sick for twenty years for something I can’t see or fix.
The most comforting thing about these movies, and horror movies as a whole, is that you know that they’re going to end. Yes, you’re going to screw your eyes tight and feel your heart rate increase as the killer stalks his prey. You might watch someone break a bone and cringe like it’s happening to you, but it’s not. You get to feel all of that terror for a while, and then walk out of the theater and go back to your life.
Dear Sophia,
I confess that after a while, I skimmed your story, because I had gotten your point, and the story seemed too long.
You are a talented writer who puts the reader right into the action with you.
I ask you this – please leave words like shit and stronger, out of your writing. They do not contribute anything, and diminish the quality of your writing.
Sincerely,
A new fan