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How to Write a Pitchfork Album Review
Listen to two or three of the songs off of the album. Pick them from different sections, so it seems like you listened to the whole thing. Also, don’t call them songs. Call them “tracks” or (even better) “cuts” instead.
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Give a Glimpse of What Yer Not
Their new album, Give a Glimpse of What Yer Not, doesn’t reinvent the band’s sound; however, it does contain some of their best work. This is a natural extension of a long career, not just a cute or tired continuation of it.
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Slapstick
The toy’s full name was Slapstick: An Authentic Comedy Toy for the Whole Family!TM, Slapstick himself being a kind of flesh-colored kidney-bean-shaped almost-humanoid character with googly eyeballs and kind of oozy chunky rubbery skin (which was in fact made of rubber with chunks in it, but no ooze; eventually the ACTC (Authentic Comedy Toy Company)…
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Lester in Love
I: For a neurotic weenie you sure seem to be a man of action. L: Yeah, well sometimes.
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Interview with Lester, Functional Humanoid
She looked at me and turned her thingie off. And said typical. And then turned over and kept vibrating.
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Peer Review
Since the beginning of time, editors at The Nassau Weekly have taken their pens to each other’s Common Application Essays. And yes, The Nassau Weekly has been around since the beginning of time.
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The Nass Reviews Flaked
This show is like the less-funny, homosocial version of Love except there’s still chicks in it and dudes who are bad at talking to them.
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Liking Love
The first few episodes feature some pretty conventional plot devices, but the characterization and dialogue have a loose, awkward, and very human quality to them.
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A Not-Sonnet
Chamomile tea gets me off More than getting me off does See also: girls laughing at my jokes & 90s video games Can we go back to your place? Sure, but only if you’re down To smoke dope & listen to every Weezer album Chronologically. We’re all just monkeys with habits But I’m…