AITA for wanting my roommates to recycle? 

By u/trashtalker

This last summer I (20M) was living in Chicago with some randomly assigned roommates. They turned out to be chill. One was a foster kid, one was a wealthy Manhattanite, and another had a blonde mustache. 

The only issue I had was that they did not seem to know how to recycle. Our apartment came with two small bins and nothing else. Ironically, both were labelled recycling. I arrived first and bought trash bags and told my roommates in our group chat to feel free to use said bags liberally and, also, please separate your trash and recycling. The next week, when the trash-day distribution of protein oat boxes and fast food wrappers into each bin appeared indistinguishable from that which would be achieved through random tosses by three unshowered manchildren, I moved one bin to the opposite side of the room and helpfully shared an infographic in the group chat with what can and can-not (pun) be recycled. The aluminum can skeleton of the Chef Boyardee: yes. The plastic bag you grabbed to carry the new pack of underwear from Target you bought because you didn’t want to do laundry: no. 

I thought recycling was one of those 21st-century skills you learn from being a person in the world, but I guess not. Ok, sure. One was from Texas, which is in the 80s at the latest. I was tempted to innocently ask the one I shared a bathroom with “who raised you?” but the whole “foster kid” thing kinda spoiled that vengeance. Anyway, after even the infographic didn’t work, I dumped all the unsorted garbage on their beds, threw their clothes out the window, and pissed on their toothbrushes. AITA? 

Response: Wow! I love how strongly you feel about recycling. We need Climate Warriors like you to protect our Mother Earth ☮ This is an interesting dilemma you have here, because you really did try to get your roommates to recycle before you resorted to these drastic measures. I think, in order to find out what was within reasonable limits for your behavior, I would need to know more about who your roommates are. So, instead, we’ll look at the actual effectiveness of recycling in Chicago. According to CBS News, only 19% of the Chicago area’s waste is diverted from landfills, including composting and other efforts in addition to recycling. This is due to many factors, including low participation and mis-recycling, as your roommates were. So, considering the minimal impact your roommates’ actions had on the environment, I would have to say Verdict: YTA. You overreacted, man.

AITA?  

By u/BootyHole

Sometimes I (CENSORED) feel like I’m invisible. I know I’m not actually. It’s more like I’m covered up behind a couple layers of material. I just feel like people don’t like me, don’t see me. When they do react, I’m an embarrassment. If they laugh, it’s at me, not with me. I’m what everyone tries their best to ignore. For example, sometimes I need to let out a little air. You know, decompress. Sometimes, not always, but sometimes, when I let it out, I’m not totally silent. Ok, I make a little sound — totally normal! — but I do it and people are disgusted. They cover their noses. The polite ones step away. The polite ones! When have I ever said “eww” to anyone? When have I ever retreated in unwarranted disgust? The answer is never. Not even once. 

Then, most days, I feel like I’m positioned inches above a pit of water, the bottom of which is a deep, dark hole. I don’t quite know where it leads, and that scares me. When I’m there, I just feel so much pressure, and if I dare to let out even a bit of all this shit I’ve been holding in while people were turning up their noses, gagging and giggling, condescendingly stepping away, a roaring vortex is soon unleashed and vacuums up everything. I hear the message, loud and clear. I can take a hint. I’m not permitted to make any mark on this world. Then I’m subject to literal torture. I get physically gagged with scratchy white paper, the fibers rubbing me raw again and again, wipe after wipe, until there’s nothing of my own left, not even the faintest brown smudge (well, sometimes a little). Soon, I’m covered up, invisible once again, dreading that this is my life. I have to do it all over again tomorrow. Am I the asshole? 

Response:

Woah! Way to let all your shit out, literally. But this space is sacred and safe, so we thank you for your honest and gastrointestinal confession. Let us address the basics first: you are the asshole. But not the Asshole. You have mistaken disgust for moral judgment. People recoil in disgust not because you are necessarily wrong, but because you remind people that they are leaky, odorous, mortal beings. Their aggressive rubbing and covering is not because they hate you, but because they hate themselves. They are denying their very humanity.

That said, you seem desperate. And a bit insecure. Perhaps you need to accept that you might never receive positive recognition from those you crave. It is a shitty situation. But what I can tell you is that if you weren’t there between our two cheeks, we would be filled with a whole lot more shit than we already are. Take pride in your utility. 

Verdict: NTA (but also the asshole)

AITA for wanting my professor to have unholy thoughts about me, not out of romance, but for the intellectual satisfaction of watching divine punishment topple institutionalized hierarchy in real time?

u/pretentioushellenicfreak

Look, I (20F) have no intentions of seducing anyone. I’m just saying that if Apollo could lust and lose power in Ovid’s Metamorphoses, then maybe I too could turn the seminar room into Delphi. Close-reading the syllabus reveals that “interpretive risk” does invite risks in loose, imaginative interpretations — and of course I took that personally. 

It’s not even about this man twice my age; it’s about watching authority tremble under its own fever dream. Somewhere between Lana Del Rey’s “Off to the Races” and Françoise Sagan’s Bonjour Tristesse, I learned that desire can double as critique. The former made sin sound cinematic, and the latter made ennui sound French. (Well, it is.) 

Now every glance feels like fieldwork, every smile like research. I am studying divinity and downfall, testing whether unethical yearning counts as praxis in my IRB-disapproved experiments. I do not want the affair, but I do want the aesthetic consequence — the beautiful wreckage, the gender-reversed myth, the brief collapse of power that lets me believe in agency again. 

What’s the point of life if not to pursue a tumultuous youth and unleash the freak that only thrives in morally gray situations? But then again — maybe I just wanted to see if theory could blush. Or maybe I’m crazy. So… AITA?

Response: Ugh. This is a tough one. Mostly because I find your question so annoyingly worded. It would be impossible to figure out what you’re asking without the headline at the top. I mean, it really depends, because your professor could be the kind of perv to have unholy thoughts about you anyway without you tempting him. But seduction is powerful (see: The Art of Seduction by Robert Greene) and to say, if your professor did begin to have these unholy thoughts about you, that the results weren’t at least in part your making would be wrong. Don’t underestimate the force of femininity. But, at the end of the day, what’s so wrong with wanting to be loved?

Verdict: NTA

AITA for stealing a few jewels from a Museum?

u/BonjourBitch

I (35M) recently coordinated a robbery at the Louvre. I mean, the exhibit was just sitting there, so it seemed like fair game. I knew I would look stunning in the royal jewels (and the reliquary brooch absolutely completes my look). I know what I did was illegal, but I thought it was fair; I could use the jewels, and the museum couldn’t. Like, if you’re not going to wear them, why do you have them? That makes zero sense. Someone who needs it more (like me) should use them instead. Anyway, after reading the news, I learned the entire French government (67M) is upset at me, but I really think it’s not that bad. AITA? 

Response: Hey 🙂  I saw your face on Twitter (RIP), and I have to say, the jewels would really bring out your bone structure, so I totally get it. Now, since you are asking me as a totally unbiased Ethicist I would say that you are probably not the asshole! I mean, your robbery could have been violent. And you are right, who was wearing that jewelry anyway? You merely redistributed capital. You are sort of the modern-day Robin Hood, both in mission and looks.

Unfortunately, however, as an ethicist, I am also bound to the law. And what you did, sir, was still illegal. So by restraints which I cannot break, Verdict: YTA (but when you get out of jail do call me)

AITA?

From u/EllieDiamondGlamBot

I (21F) am the asshole.

Response: Yes, but in a society where people are performing their virtuosity as opposed to taking moral accountability, you are already a level above the rest. 

So, Verdict: YTA (but in a self-aware way)