Overheard on transatlantic flight

Captain, on the overhead announcements: If you’re from England, congratulations to your soccer team on advancing in the Women’s world cup!

British flight attendant, two minutes later: Sorry about our captain, he’s American. He meant football.

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Overheard on a Saturday morning

Guy on the couch: Shut up, you can wallow at Top Golf.

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Overheard in the office

Boomer coworker: I’m not on Slack, I’m a conscientious objector.

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Overheard in summer housing

Heartbroken roommate: I just downloaded TikTok to look at a few videos about how to have a friend with benefits.

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Overheard in line for shift meal

Beautiful, simple, and delicious server: It’s a shame you’re going to have to undergo double amputation for your shin splints. But hey, maybe you’ll become like an Oscar Pistorius type.

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Overheard on Minecraft date

Girl: You’re so much more talkative in Minecraft than in real life.

Gamer: This is my happy place.

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Overheard in the airport

5 year old: How many hours are in the day?

7 year old: 13 and a half.

5 year old: Oh right.

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Overheard in a later afternoon text

Another dreamerboy: I had this wild dream that you died in a fire, and Coffee Club was planning a memorial service, and I was asked to make a specialty comp lit themed drink for the occasion.

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Overheard in an early morning text

Dreamerboy: Last night I had a dream that we were parting ways, never to see each other again, and you held up your hand to me and said “Hey man, grand slam.”

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Overheard on the phone

Progressive: It’s weird, because sometimes fascists identify the same problems with liberalism that I do, but then I’m like, ‘Wait a minute, I don’t like you.’

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Overheard during summer internship

Drama-hungry boss: I could set you up with [coworker].

21 year-old intern: Isn’t he 32?

Boss: So? His uncle is the president of the company.

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Overheard in the architecture library

Guy, finding out he’s been verbatimed: ”That’s the most terrifying thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”

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Overheard walking into NCW (5:50pm)

A good old friend: “Okay, we’re going to have eat fast—I have a meeting at 6.”

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Overheard in Terrace

Former big baby: “I was a big baby.”

Former small baby: “Yeah, I see that for you.”

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Overheard in Feliciano

Enamored HUM Student: “I feel like not many books make me feel, but Virginiana Woolf makes me FEEL.”

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Overheard in AAS seminar:

Professor: “What’s happening in the text here?”

Student: “A white woman moment.”

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Overheard over text

Mom: “Any good April Fool's jokes at school?”

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Overheard while watching 21 Jump Street:

Film critic: “Channing Tatum is a really good actor.”

Friend: “…”

Film critic: “I mean he's really good at playing a big dumb guy who can move.”

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Overheard in the architecture library

Cooked sophomore: “What you’ve gotta understand is that at heart, I’m a hater.”

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Overheard at late meal

Masterful misogynist: “Women should give birth alone, it teaches them independence.”

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Overheard in the Tiger Tea Room

Wistful worker: “Where’s my long-legged socialist? Where’s my ethereal bisexual?”

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Overheard in Dod Basement

The One Who Asks: “I’ll be a vigilante chicken killer. I’ll only kill the chickens who did wrong.”

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Overheard in Seminar

Cow-Stapler Hater: “Cows don't have red tails.”

Defensive Professor: “Cows also aren't staplers.”

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Overheard at Terrace

Senior 1, sweating in the sun: “I put on sunscreen today, but I'm worried it won't be enough.”
Senior 2, British: “God is my sunscreen.”

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Overhead outside of Firestone

Preppy student #1, locking up scooter: "I think I might have to start living with a poor person."

Preppy student #2: "Can I verbatim that?"

Preppy student #1: "No!"

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