Concerned empty nester: Even pretty girls have STDs.

Pool reflector: Who knew swamps were so costly.

Underworked intern: Sorry, had to go hit my boss’ vape.

Crowd, chanting: Raise her dosage! Raise her dosage! Egalitarian: I wish psychiatry was also democratic.

Flirt: I kinda assumed you had a Star Wars phase because of your dad’s charming neurodivergence.

Gossiper: She tried coke at the Puerto Rico Princeternship and now thinks the startup life’s for her.

Statistic: My parents’ car got robbed by a gang called the Kia Boyz.

Tired Researcher: Everytime I log into Slack it’s like, wow, I’m just a wage chud aren’t I.

Public School Go-er: My elementary school teacher gave us all hood names, I think mine was Niquisha.

Jewish man: Why did it take Eisgruber 60 years to figure out that he was Jewish? Did he never look in a mirror?

Much reviled truth-teller: Orange Key selects for white evil.

Barista: “Where is Caracas? My brother is going to work there next week.”