Flirt: I kinda assumed you had a Star Wars phase because of your dad’s charming neurodivergence.

Gossiper: She tried coke at the Puerto Rico Princeternship and now thinks the startup life’s for her.

Statistic: My parents’ car got robbed by a gang called the Kia Boyz.

Tired Researcher: Everytime I log into Slack it’s like, wow, I’m just a wage chud aren’t I.

Public School Go-er: My elementary school teacher gave us all hood names, I think mine was Niquisha.

Jewish man: Why did it take Eisgruber 60 years to figure out that he was Jewish? Did he never look in a mirror?

Much reviled truth-teller: Orange Key selects for white evil.

Barista: “Where is Caracas? My brother is going to work there next week.”

Latino man hunched in a cubicle: Call me fair trade the way I’m ethically sourced and highly sought after.

Girl Who Definitely Didn’t Do the Reading: You know the AIDS crisis in the…the 19…the late 19s…

Gym Bro 1: Are you going out on Saturday? Gym Bro 2: No, I’m actually going to Mexico City to see Kanye.

Concerned Founder: How did he even survive? Sage Founder: VC funding.