Frustrated LGBT senior: I’ve googled “how to dress lesbian” at least 14 times this week.
STEM major trying to make a point: I'm a neuro-transmitter and he's a voltage gated ion channel receptor. Do you understand?
English Major: *exasperated* no.
Sophomore SJW: Do you think the Princeton Committee on Palestine has merch?
Passerby: And I straight up Stanford Prison Experimented these kids.
Writer: I feel like Freud would have a lot to say about this.
Other writer: I don't know much about Freud.
Writer: Me neither.
Coffee Club employee: We can't have that many people saying that our drinks are shit.
Philosophical White Man: I feel like white people name their children really long names to have power over them. Like knowing the name of a demon.
Rested Junior on pullout couch: In the least homosexual way possible, sleeping with you was amazing.
Tourist to unofficial tour guides: I would tip you, but I can't, so I'm going to walk away now.
Voice of Reason: But what do you gain?
Vengeful girl-boss: It's about taking down the patriarchy!
Club officer: They should call you guys the Real Housewives of Terrace.
Woman: No, they shouldn't.
Frosh, having just awoken from a nap: Bro, Princeton is easy. Don't you know we have a 98% graduation rate?
Despairing Physics Major after being asked for help on P-Set: Inject yourself with self loathing and you might be able to do it.
Freshman playing never-have-I-ever: Never have I ever called someone bestie during sex.
Junior looking at a plate of meat: A vegan would actually kill me right now–but they can't 'cause they're vegan!
Religion Studies Student: This might sound bad, but is it wrong to highlight the Bible?
Chaotic Atheist: Depends on the color. It needs to be red like His blood.
Thoughtful student: What makes teen horror movies so good is that one weird cum scene.
Brazilian: Why does the US support some authoritarian countries but invade others?
Concerned virgin, surveying pineapple: If the pussy ph is low enough, will it melt my dick?
Tired junior: You could be Hamlet.
Melodramatic friend: O, how art thou, Juliet?