Professor on Middlemarch: On Instagram stories someone asked if you’d rather date someone more liberal or more conservative than you, and I always thought there was something hot and naughty about someone more conservative.
Birthday boy: I thought my brother sent me a stripper, but he just sent me Vitamin C.
Intellectual, opening Google: Why think when you could just search?
German Major, to another German Major: Are you a big Thirty Years War guy?
Bubble Tea Addict: Boba is the sun of my solar system, and it's not because I'm Asian.
Junior Editor: The Venn diagram of Nass people and people who like writing vignettes is a circle
Cocky Frosh: Smartfood® White Cheddar Popcorn is the best snack, and I will die on this hill.
Assured Sophomore, with authority: *pauses* No
College Mentor: When you say it like that it sounds like I crushed your soul for writing.
Ungrateful Mentee: Well, it wasn't just you.
Literary Gal: You know when people say “obviously thinking of Joyce” that they need to stfu.
Younger Sister on Princeton Students' Social Lives: Do you say, 'Hey wanna go get boba tea for the 50th time today?' and they say, 'Poverty doesn't exist, so yea'?
Nass Junior Editor: Hi slut
Nass Business Team Member: Stop calling me slut after watching glee
Sci-Fi Professor on Using Screen Share: I've flown too close to the sun. I tried to incorporate technology and now we're burning.
Roommate 1: Ok, so who's hotter, Putin or Trudeau?
Roommate 2: …
Roommate 3: Why is there a pause??