Overheard on NJ transit

Sad boy: The poetry grind never ends.

Overheard in the Siberian wilderness

Fulbright Fellow: Last time I drank too much I went skinny dipping with a group of seventy-year-old men and vomited freshly slain sheep heart in my mouth.

Overheard in Frist

Pi Phi, future banker: He's totally gonna be successful, he's so white and fat.

Overheard in Bloomberg

Devout Catholic to Marxist-Leninist: Who’s going to make the caramel gelato when the revolution comes?

Overheard in a NYC jazz club

Student: What's the summer recruiting timeline for a Princetonian Jew who wants to be a religious cult leader?

Overheard Murray Dodge

Nass editor: I want to go into journalism but it takes so much confidence and faith...and I’m an atheist with low self-esteem.

Overheard en route to Frist

Sophomore Ivy hopeful wearing a Canada Goose: I'm sorry I'm a man of the people and I don't know how to spell Moncler.

Overheard at Ivy dinner

Senior drama kid: I’m so ready to start preventative Botox at 25. Have you seen Jennifer Aniston?

Overheard on Ivy patio

Patagonia-wearing frat bro: Is anyone here in the 'Badass Marketers and Founders' Facebook group?

Overheard in a post-modern heartbreak hostel

Young Nihilist: I mean real talk – I wonder if animals that mate for one season – if they go through the same heartbreak as humans.

Overheard on iMessage

Stressed Virgo: I just wish people would send Google Invites for booty calls.
Stressed Virgo, later: I should set up a WASS for my hookups.

Overheard in the COS department

Networks professor: When I go to the gym, I always try to use locker 404, because I always forget where I've put my clothes.

Overheard in Cafe Viv

Self-declared SWUG: I keep getting weird looks from the guy who lives across from me. I wish I could explain to him that the vibrating noise coming from my room every night is not the sound of me pleasuring myself but rather my electric toothbrush since I'm too lazy to walk 20 feet to the bathroom.

Overheard in Wilcox

Possible cult member, sophomore: I'm not even that much of a socialist. I just want to help poor people.

Overheard in dorm room

Jewish Marxist A's Ivy junior: I love the Nass verbatims, they're so relatable.

Overheard at a birthday dinner

Senior TI woman: In a feminist way, I don’t need a penis to have a threesome. But, I do want a penis for a threesome.

Overheard on Nassau Street

Construction worker: I may disappoint Jesus but I would never disappoint you.

Overheard in Wu

Sophomore Pi Phi: After working on a problem set with two bros, I had to join Princeton Students for Gender Equality.

Overheard while stalking fall break Instagrams

Senior Pi Phi: Wow he went to Africa! Oh wait… I think that's just North Carolina.

Overheard strolling along prospect avenue

St. B's senior: Someone once described Cannon to me as a glorified Chili's

Overheard in a Nass meeting

Man: I took a snapchat video at Jewish prayer… is that what they call it? Anyways I found out that was really taboo.

Overheard on crowded train from the Hamptons

Theta sophomore: I'm at the point where I would be fine with sitting on someone's lap.

Overheard in Wright

YDS frosh: The people v. OJ Simpson was my political awakening.

Overheard in Edwards

Woman 1: Fun fact: my grandfather was a Princetonian from the midwest.
Woman 2: Did he win a Rhodes scholarship?
Woman 1: No, he was Jewish.

Overheard in Bed, Bath, and Beyond

Marxist, looking at a display of toothpastes: This is why I hate capitalism; I'd rather the government just tell me what kind of toothpaste is best.