Overheard in Roma

Retrospective female: I used to use Tinder as a way of exploring the restaurants around here.

Overheard in Cafe Viv

Frosh on a health kick: I don't do tropical fruit in my acai bowl. I'm more of a berry boy.

Overheard in Terrace

Nass EIC: The New Testament is just fan fiction of the Old Testament.

Overheard on Nassau Street

Nass EIC: The first time I tripped, I fully realized that I'm a pathological misanthrope.

Overheard in Terrace

Terran: I guess the most stressful thing I’ve done is smoked before a jazz band concert in my senior year of high school.

Overheard in Frist

Jewish girl: You'll be happy to know my bat mitzvah was at a bowling alley – an upscale bowling alley.

Overheard in Terrace

Terrace officer: I just have flesh-eating bacteria on my mind a lot.

Overheard on Luce listserv

Devout Catholic advertising for interfaith dinner: There will be food and ample opportunities for friends, fun, and evangelization.

Overheard in Roma

SWUG (Sophomore Washed Up Gay): I was such a good boyfriend that they literally needed a trans-continental rebound.

Overheard in Cuyler

Terrace alum: I love self deprivation. That’s why I always do Lent.

Overheard at Ivy

Jewish Ivy junior, sincerely: Quad don’t give no fucks.

Overheard in BT office

Sophomore Ivy Pi Phi: I've never faced rejection – I definitely can't start now.

Overheard in Wilson dining hall

Random Frosh: I feel like he's one of those people who thinks he's really talented because he's really rich.

Overheard in Firestone

Frosh concernedly looking at foot: I just looked at my foot and got so worried that I had four toes.

Overheard on the Street

Drunk engineer 1: I gave up alcohol for Lent.
Drunk engineer 2: It would have been easier if you had given up sex.

Overheard en route to Frist

Ivy soph: I just don’t get social climbing vibes from him... maybe the fact that he’s using me to climb is clouding my judgment.

Overheard in Frist

Lapsed Episcopalian Upper East Sider, eating her acai bowl: I spent last Easter at Sunday Funday.

Overheard in philosohy class

Frosh having an existential crisis: I want them to play “I Took A Pill In Ibiza” at my funeral.

Overheard on FaceTime

Flu-ridden sophomore Pi Phi: Honestly this is probably what pregnancy feels like.

Overheard at Starbucks

Former St. A's member: Three things I hate the most: Big Oil, Big Pharma, Big Meat.

Overheard in Wilcox

Catholic schmuck at dinner: I'm not marrying someone unless they say they also want 10-12 children. Deal breaker.

Overheard at the Iowa Writers’ Workshop

Student 1, jokingly: I’m only here to waste time.
Student 2: Well, you’re doing a great job.

Overheard at Aquinas Retreat

Religious boi to complete stranger: I had a dream about hell last night and you were there.
Complete stranger: What the fuck, man

Overheard at Terrace

Shaman woman: So I got a three-pack of Disney knickers. One of them was Mulan.

Overheard in hot yoga

Suburban mom: My son said he wanted to get married. I said, "why the f would you do that?!" So he changed his mind and bought flying squirrels instead.