Retrospective female: I used to use Tinder as a way of exploring the restaurants around here.
Frosh on a health kick: I don't do tropical fruit in my acai bowl. I'm more of a berry boy.
Nass EIC: The first time I tripped, I fully realized that I'm a pathological misanthrope.
Terran: I guess the most stressful thing I’ve done is smoked before a jazz band concert in my senior year of high school.
Jewish girl: You'll be happy to know my bat mitzvah was at a bowling alley – an upscale bowling alley.
Devout Catholic advertising for interfaith dinner: There will be food and ample opportunities for friends, fun, and evangelization.
SWUG (Sophomore Washed Up Gay): I was such a good boyfriend that they literally needed a trans-continental rebound.
Sophomore Ivy Pi Phi: I've never faced rejection – I definitely can't start now.
Random Frosh: I feel like he's one of those people who thinks he's really talented because he's really rich.
Frosh concernedly looking at foot: I just looked at my foot and got so worried that I had four toes.
Drunk engineer 1: I gave up alcohol for Lent.
Drunk engineer 2: It would have been easier if you had given up sex.
Ivy soph: I just don’t get social climbing vibes from him... maybe the fact that he’s using me to climb is clouding my judgment.
Lapsed Episcopalian Upper East Sider, eating her acai bowl: I spent last Easter at Sunday Funday.
Frosh having an existential crisis: I want them to play “I Took A Pill In Ibiza” at my funeral.
Flu-ridden sophomore Pi Phi: Honestly this is probably what pregnancy feels like.
Former St. A's member: Three things I hate the most: Big Oil, Big Pharma, Big Meat.
Catholic schmuck at dinner: I'm not marrying someone unless they say they also want 10-12 children. Deal breaker.
Student 1, jokingly: I’m only here to waste time.
Student 2: Well, you’re doing a great job.
Religious boi to complete stranger: I had a dream about hell last night and you were there.
Complete stranger: What the fuck, man