Quirked-down aging sophomore German major: These new antidepressants are making me shockingly less horny.
Sophomore looking over all the work she has to do for a pset: Forget Flo Milli shit, I’m about to LOSE my shit.
Aging Junior, reading listserv email on 4/20: Please wear socks if you want to try on the crocs.
Professor describing Kafka protagonist: He walks into town, and he's literally just a giant penis. Well not literally. But that's the general idea.
Thesising senior, about to take Adderall for the first time: I wonder if this will kill my libido.
Caring friend: It would take a kilo of crack cocaine to kill your libido.
Sophomore mumbling “All Too Well (10 Minute Version)”: I’ve been thinking a lot about my ex-girlfriend recently.
Enthusiastic COS Major: As a STEM student, Paper Towns is one of the only books I've ever read.
Anxious COS Student: Can I use this cat litter as a weighted blanket?
AAS Professor: I know it's hot, but W.E.B. Du Bois didn't have air conditioning and he managed to produce all that great work.
Stressed junior: “Should I take neuroscience?”
Wise senior: “Why would you?”
Stressed junior: “If I decide to be a neurosurgeon, I want the door to be open.”
Wise senior: “Life is about closing doors.”
Music aficionado: “Did you know that Chick Corea made an album with L. Ron Hubbard?”
Friend, googling: “Of course it’s called Space Jazz.”
Contemplative diner: “It was literally a walk-in drive-through. A walk-through, you could say.”
Sad junior: “My lamp just burned out. Is that representative of me?”
Friend: “Yeah, sorry, I’ve always known you were a light bulb.”
Enlightened girl: “They say ‘dress for the job you want, not the job you have’ and the job I want is somebody's weed-smoking girlfriend.”
Pre-med senior: “I want to find a partner who can titrate my acidity to a perfect light pink.”
Friend: “Yes! To the endpoint, and no further!”
Guy shouting: “Dude! Why are you peeing on a tree!”
Guy peeing on a tree: “Not me! Not me!”
Carnivore: That was so filling, like I didn't think vegetarian food could be so filling.
Distressed white boy: "She can date whatever moron she wants. Just keep that shit out of Wucox Dining Hall."
Diner 1: “I haven't pushed anyone down the stairs in a while.”
Diner 2: “Got to get back into it.”
Girl on the verge of tears: As long as the bridge you die on is pretty, it’s fine, right?
Junior thinking about JP: Life keeps happening. And I'm kinda not thrilled.