Overheard at Wilcox

Two juniors: Jesus is a big guy to leave room for.

Overheard outside Dillion

Frustrated middle-aged man: You can have my vote, I don't care WHO you are—if you can end daylight savings time. I’m like, DONE!!

Overheard on a plane

HUM professor to student: So, tell me the tea.

Overheard at Newark Airport

Prince Writer: Don't take it personally — I came out of the womb a bitch.

Overheard in Scully

Princeton alum, talking about how the world probably ended in 2012: Yeah, so everything post Harambe has been total nonsense.

Overheard in San Francisco

TI junior: Fuck. I thought I cared about social impact.

Overheard in Brooklyn

Woman, to roommate: It's not that I hate your pants. It's that I think you have a shopping addiction.

Overheard at TI

Theta junior: I just like boys with long hair. Maybe I’m a lesbian.

Overheard in Whitman

Sleep-deprived frosh to other sleep-deprived frosh: Let's all put our serotonin in a pile and split it.

Overheard late at night in a Whitman girls’ bathroom

Sophomore 1: God is ORFE.
Sophomore 2, emphatically: God is NOT ORFE!

Overheard in TI

Senior girl: Do you know Allan Ginsberg?
Junior boy: Is he a sophomore in Quad?

Overheard in Stone

Ivy junior applying to Bain: I don't have a disability but sometimes I get anxious…

Overheard at late meal

Neurotic male frosh: If I could perpetually exist in one place, purgatory style, it would be Charter Friday.

Overheard at late meal

Overenthusiastic theatre frosh: Trina Vega's “Chicago” birthed the fourth wave of feminism.

Overheard at Coffee Club before midterms

Excited APES senior: Wait, there’s ‘big bootie’ for studying?

Overheard on iMessage

Aimless senior: Should I do Teach for America?
Mom: Does that mean you have to be a teacher?

Overheard in Ivy

Environmentally-minded Ivy senior: I just really want to screw over the oil barons.
Other Ivy senior: My uncle's an oil baron…

Overheard in Freshman Seminar

Freshman: He uses the word — wait, can I swear? Ass.

Overheard in East Pyne

ML Catholic, upon hearing about Uber Helicopter: What?! What is this?? Money is the root of all evil.

Overheard in my room

Disgruntled study buddy: If you can’t offer lo-fi sex music, why are we friends?

Overheard in Rocky common room

Freshman boy to girl, romantically: Have you ever been to the towpath? Apparently it's very nice.

Overheard in CJL

Geographically inept freshman: Why don't you have a southern drawl?
South Dakota native: I'm not from the South.

Overheard in Dod

Theta junior: We need to take a moment to talk about Timothée Chalamet – he's so hot!
Theta soph: Wait, let me tigerbook him.

Overheard at the Wilson Blackbox

Frosh starting tech week: Do you ever get blueballed but like emotionally?

Overheard on the Street

Guy walking out of Tower: Fine, go to Charter Friday. Fine, hate yourself. It's fine.