Tankie Terrace Bros:
"I get nihilistic when I'm sleepy"
"Really, dude, I get totalitarian”
Tired bickerer: The amount of times I heard the word “vibes” at Cap bicker is way too high
“I’ve never met a coke-head who weighs over 130 pounds.”
“Clearly you’ve never been to Cannon.”
Leftist Mathey RCA, eating French toast: Everyone needs to be triggered sometimes.
Frosh: I'm not a trust fund kid! I'm a hedge fund kid! There's a difference!
Laurie, to Jo: Can we still be friends?
Emotionally ruined Princeton student: Bitch, as if!
Boyfriend, to girlfriend: What if we had a foursome and ended up just having gay sex side by side?
Aspiring sex addict: "It would be hard to be an ugly sex addict. Do you think I'm attractive enough to be a sex addict?
Italian Professor: Let me tell you a secret: when i was a young professor here in the 1970s I used to have a huggeeee slice of cheesecake at 2am
Woke white man: Elizabeth Warren sucks, but I’ll happily vote for her once Bernie Sanders dies.
COS professor while playing Gregorian chants before class: Well, I like it. My wife HATES Gregorian chants.
Theater kid: So I went up to my room and put some peppermint essential oil on my nips…
Classics Major: Ever since Oedipus, I haven't looked at my mom the same.
Friend reevaluating this friendship: I feel like you should continue this conversation…without me.
Woman professor to woman student: Though I'm usually on your side, we must at least sometimes recognize that men are also human beings.
Jaded senior, discussing baby yoda: Like, you’re so cute, but you’re a product of a megacorporation.
Gay man voting for Pete Buttigieg: I thought I got into Princeton because my mom was a legacy and I applied as a Classics Major, but I just learned about pretty privilege and it might be because of the symmetry of my face.
Exasperated frosh: You know how to code but not how to split screen your windows?
Sentimental friend: Did I mention how much I missed you?
Indifferent friend: Really? Oh, good job.
Former Ivy social chair: THIS is what I miss the most about college.
Inquisitive professor: Why are you laughing? You can tell me, you know I'm confidential. Though the university requires me to say that I'm not confidential. *pause* Come see me after class.