Former Terrace officer: Did you hear they're trying to stop Juul from marketing to teens? They can't do that! It is sexy BY DESIGN. It's just sleek and beautiful…could belong in a museum. Like truly Juuls just speak to our MOMENT.
Preceptor, to junior girl: Do you want to work with these two guys for the group project?
Junior girl: Can I just work alone?
Confused boy: I can't just mansplain "mansplain" to you. It doesn't work like that!
Gay freshman: it doesn't matter... nothing counts when you're blacked.
For example, if u don't remember eating a bunch of fries then u can't hate yourself because u don't remember. It's like whatever—I did it. It happened. I think of it like an alibi for the criminally insane... u can't be held accountable for something u can't control, right?
Also did you find your glasses?
Professor (monotone): I do kickboxing to keep my face straight in class.
FCC member: You can take a girl outta the South but you can’t take the dip out her mouth.
UPC member, about an upcoming lecture: It's called “Porn Actually.”
UPC pres: That would be a great porn of “Love Actually.”
Prince writer, presumably: It's a fucking epidemic! Why can't people control their anuses!
Cardigan-wearing man, confidently: Once we know how to sail, piracy’s the easy part.
Scary junior, screaming over ABBA: I just want to, like, inject ABBA straight into my face!!!
Naive, presumptuous freshman: Postgrad, I want to work at McKinsey and then Google.
*8-year-old throws snowball at group of passing students*
8-year-old: Harvard's better.
Tourist, picking up phone to photograph Holder tower: What is this? A church?
Tigertone: The Me Too movement needs to get on Adam Sandler. There's no way he's clean.
Boy, walking away: It was nice meeting you!
*No response; boy stops, comes back.*
Boy: Oh, it wasn't nice meeting me?
Girl, with forced smile: It was nice meeting you!
Posh senior Pi Phi: Is it lame to have a whole Insta story highlight reel of my dogs? Or is that just part of my branding...?
Disheveled platinum blond man with paint on his Andover sweatshirt: You only have cucumber?