Disappointed frosh: I've always been sort of tenuously interested in astrology because I'm a Leo.
Professor who brought candy for his class: At this point in the semester, an IV of crack is a better idea.
Stressed-out sophomore: I'll be honest, I think I probably have a solid cry about once a month. Usually in the shower. Put on some sad music and just go for it. That way I'm not wasting time. I mean, we all have to shower.
Quad senior: I think he's very confident about his weight loss from last summer. Then again, that's when he had malaria.
St. A's Interviewee: People don't think English is hard until I tell them I'm going to law school after.
Princeton dropout, pointing at a Fjallraven Kanken backpack: I could wipe my butt with that.
Drunk townie, to three friends: I, like, never go out. If I do go out it's always with you five bitches.
Professor: What do you think about the recent news on Puerto Rico?
Cottage junior: I feel like before this I didn't even know where it was on the map. I just had, like, no consciousness of it.
Professor: …Where did you think it was?
Cottage junior: Idk in like the Pacific or something.
Ivy junior, recounting Harry Styles concert: The girl next to me was obviously a YouTuber. She was wearing a beret!
Junior woman: You went to an A$AP Mob concert?
Sophomore A's aspirant: I went to their album release party and groped A$AP Rocky while he was performing.
Ivy senior/Zete ringleader: Yeah, so let's do those same Zete hoodies from last year but with Trump on the front.
Nass editor, on former roommate: We crossed paths so little last year that I didn't even find out he had an exorcism until like three days ago.